Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life

Soma

people

work

for the same

organisation

all their working life.

Others

think that it is better to

work

for all

people

. Some

organisation

Fix the agreement mistake

organisations

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

very good for somebody and again to opposite

another humans

Replace the adjective

another human

other humans

show examples

. Many

people

believe that

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

job

exteremely

Correct your spelling

extremely

boring. They think that often must

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

change their own

job

. They are not loyal own

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

They

Correct pronoun usage

Their

show examples

search is better

organisation

. They can not enjoy from same

work

Moreover

, they

try

Add the particle

try to

show examples

find a new

job

Although

, it

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

awkward

Correct pronoun usage

it awkward

show examples

However

, some

people

want to

work

same

organisation

. It is

interest

Wrong verb form

interesting

show examples

for

they

Change the pronoun

them

show examples

. All

people

think that

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

different

Change the word

differently

show examples

. In my opinion,

same

Change the article

the same

show examples

job

is well.

For instance

, I would prefer

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

organisation

than

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

different jobs. Currently, I study at school. I will

work

same

Change the article

the same

show examples

job

By reason

Change preposition

Reason

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

, my father

also

work

Correct subject-verb agreement

works

show examples

it.

This

will be extremely interesting and amazing. My dad enjoys from own

same

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

job

. Many humans

work

their own

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

fourty

Correct your spelling

for forty

or fifty years. And again

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

people

opposite to

this

point.

Same

Add an article

The same

show examples

organisation

growth

Add an article

a growth

show examples

experience. They are by

same

Change the article

the same

show examples

job

be familiar. In conclusion, many humans

work

for the same

organisation

all their working life.

Others

think that it is better to

work

for

different

Add an article

a different

show examples

organisation

. All

people

think

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

different

Change the word

differently

show examples

Same

Correct article usage

The same

show examples

work

is well for me. I enjoy it. In my view,

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

job

Add a missing verb

is more

show examples

useful and again profitable. It growth our experience.

Although

, you might

familiar

Add a missing verb

be familiar

show examples

Change preposition

with

show examples

it. It was my idea.

Submitted by soglomovsarvar on Tue Feb 27 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Clarify your argument by providing a clear introduction that presents both sides of the discussion and clearly states your own opinion. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.

Coherence & Cohesion

Develop your supporting points with specific examples and explanations. Avoid repeating the same ideas and strive for a variety of sentence structures.

Task Achievement

Address the task more fully by discussing both views presented in the prompt before stating your own opinion. Provide clear reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Task Achievement

Work on organizing your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should discuss a single main idea related to the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

244 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

stability
loyalty
familiarity
upward movement
sense of community
job security
diverse experiences
flexibility
acquisition
broad range
exposure
industries
practices
cultures
fostering
personal growth
adaptability
professional network
compelling case

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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