IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want ask your manager about this. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter • explain why you want to take time off work • give a details of the amount of time you need • suggest how your work could be covered while you are away

#company #time #work #manager #amount
Dear Mr Thomson, I am writing
this
 letter to request that I really need
holiday
Add an article
a holiday
show examples
 for
three
months
.
Furthermore
, I won't be able to get back as long as I feel very well. I am an amateur
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 I have been playing football for ten years. During
this
 time I did not get injured.
Nevertheless
, the game which I have recently played was awful for me. A player who was playing for
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 team hurt me. He would not do
this
 but
this
 happened.
Due to
 that
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 I went to
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
show examples
 after
game
Add an article
the game
show examples
.
Doctor
Add an article
The doctor
show examples
 said to me that I have to
take
Verb problem
get
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
treatment and I can't walk next
three
months
.
According to
 my way of thinking, I take two weeks.
However
, I must be in
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
three
months
 to recover my legs. I heard about recovering legs
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 day and I found out that treatment
needs
Verb problem
takes
show examples
 a long time, after cutting. I will come back after
three
months
.
Nonetheless
, during
this
 time You will have
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 enough employees.
Thus
, my friend can work
instead
me
Change preposition
of me
show examples
. He
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 worked in
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 like
this
 before.
Moreover
, He has knowledge about
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
.
This
 is useful for you. Thank
in
Correct pronoun usage
you in
show examples
 advance. I look forward to getting your reply soon. Respectfully yours, Tom Cruise.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing a clearer and more structured explanation of why you need time off early in the letter, which could make your request more comprehensible to the reader
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional phrases and connectors to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall cohesion of the letter
greeting and closing
Ensure your greeting and closing are suitably formal for the context. While 'Dear Mr Thomson' is appropriate, closing with 'Respectfully yours' is good, but always double-check for consistency in tone throughout the letter
logical structure
Strive for a clearer demarcation of paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific point (reason for leave, amount of time needed, covering work). This will improve the readability and organization of your letter

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Respectful greeting (e.g., 'Dear [Manager's name],')
  • Time off, absence, leave of absence
  • Personal circumstances, compelling reason
  • Duration, number of days/weeks
  • Cover duties, delegate tasks, work handover
  • Alternative arrangements, contingency plans
  • Preparation, advance work, assistance
  • Gratitude, appreciate, understanding
  • Inconvenience, minimal disruption
  • Request approval, formally request
What to do next:
Look at other essays: