IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?

#tourism #benefit #places #time #concern #impact #inhabitants #environment
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It is widely known that international
tourism
 can potentially deliver immense benefits,
while
 concurrently it
also
 can expose locals and surrounding environments to the harmful effects. Even though the
live
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
quality
 of
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 population is assured to
enhance
Wrong verb form
be enhanced
show examples
, the negative impacts on the living
things
 may be harmful and dangerous, and I believe the drawbacks
carries
Correct subject-verb agreement
carry
show examples
 more importance rather than the benefits. Generally, overseas
tourism
 definitely
enhance
Change the verb form
enhances
show examples
 the
live
Replace the word
living
show examples
quality
 of local people.
For instance
, before being a popular tourist destination, almost all people who
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
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 Raja Ampat could not afford
themselves
Remove the pronoun
apply
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with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
proper necessities for deprived lives, since they were unemployed. After that region
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 discovered as the most exotic destination of underwater corals and reefs in the world, and visitors
begun
Add the auxiliary verb
began
have begun
show examples
 to vacay
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that place, locals saw that as an opportunity to improve their
quality
 of life, by opening several shops, cafes, and rest areas to get income, which turns out to be successful until today, as now many of them can provide themselves with basic resources (foods and clothes) to live.
However
, I think the positive impact on live
quality
 improvement cannot be considered
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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great
improtance
Correct your spelling
importance
, since it is not worth
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the required preliminary preparations to support that sector. From a comprehensive view, a superior
tourism
 sector is always initiated with a big transformation and development in the targeted area, which actually causes detrimental impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 living
things
. Obviously
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rare species,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their habitat and food resources to remain
live
Correct your spelling
alive
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,
hence
 extinction may arrive upon them when their natural region is ruined for
tourism
 purposes.
For instance
, it is evident that almost 50%
rare
Change preposition
of rare
show examples
 animals and plants
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the north side of Bali island
extinct
Add a missing verb
are extinct
show examples
 because of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mass construction to erect accommodations and public facilities for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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flooding
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
. As for the
indigeneous
Correct your spelling
indigenous
 who live nearby the natural habitat, their life can
be threaten
Change the verb form
be threatened
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 with the arrival of the
survived
Replace the word
surviving
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 animals that are looking for food and shelter to remain
live
Correct your spelling
alive
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. Still from the same place, a few weeks ago some Badung Bali Utara villagers already
report
Wrong verb form
reported
show examples
 to the local council about the unexpected attacks from wild pigs and tigers that looking for food, since the forest already burned down for the construction.
Thus
, I think
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 risky and threatening conditions to the sustainability of living
things
 should be a great consideration to be accounted
in
Change preposition
for in
show examples
 the
tourism
 aspect beyond the given benefit.
To conclude
, notwithstanding
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that international
toursim
Correct your spelling
tourism
 can be a greater chance to improve locals’
quality
 of life, I firmly believe the negative impacts outweigh the advantages because it is related to the sustainability threat for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living
things
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should outline the main points you will discuss, and the conclusion should summarize your argument succinctly.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within that paragraph support that idea. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
examples
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Detailed examples make your argument stronger and more convincing.
balance
Ensure you address both sides of the argument comprehensively. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages equally, and make your position clear.
language
Review your essay for grammar and spelling errors. Improving your accuracy in language use can significantly enhance the clarity of your message.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enormous benefit
  • impact
  • local inhabitants
  • environment
  • disadvantages
  • outweigh
  • advantages
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • cultural exchange
  • infrastructure development
  • promotion
  • local products
  • environmental impact
  • exploitation
  • resources
  • cultural erosion
  • increased cost of living
  • overcrowding
  • congestion
  • balancing
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
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