Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, earning has become a priority over the kind of work people are involved
.
Change preposition
in.
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I strongly disagree with
this
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statement because in
this
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case, everyone is working towards wages but not for improvement.
To begin
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with, we all wanted to get into a job that pays us a lot in the market but we are not looking for one which helps in personal growth.
For instance
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, students nowadays want to get into engineering colleges where they don’t have any idea about what they are going to learn.
Hence
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they do not gain knowledge out of interest
instead
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this
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system makes them feel that money is more crucial than knowledge.
Secondly
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, students and young generals of the country choose safe courses and workplaces that give them security.
This
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results in restricting themselves explore a lot of other opportunities in the world which they may like working with self-satisfaction. To illustrate there are more options in design fields other than fashion and interior design that students fail to research.
Thus
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confining themselves to
overall
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decisions created by society.
In addition
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, money has evidently registered in the growing minds as an important factor leading them to be involved in some illegal practices and
also
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with
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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like selfishness and jealousy. In conclusion, the majority of the nation is working for wages rather than the progress of the company or individual. If
this
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changes, there will be a great profit which includes making money
as well as
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fulfillment.
Thus
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I suggest parents spread healthier thoughts about workspace among children.
Submitted by thilagaraj7007 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to develop a more structured approach in presenting your ideas. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and follow it with supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
For your introduction and conclusion, ensure they are more clearly defined. State your thesis statement more explicitly in the introduction and summarise your main points more clearly in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will also help in improving the overall coherence.
task achievement
To fully meet the task requirements, make sure to address all parts of the question directly and develop a clear argument throughout your essay. Your position should be clear from the beginning and maintained throughout.
task achievement
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and a more formal vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly and effectively. This will help in making your points more comprehensive.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will help in substantiating your points and make your essay more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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