IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #age #cultures #youth #dicuss
Old people are thought to play an important role in many
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
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location
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locations
show examples
,
however
,in other
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parts
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part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the world the youth seem
being
Wrong verb form
to be more
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 respected
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
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 the old.
This
 author believed that both
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
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 have
itself
Correct pronoun usage
their
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right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
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. Starting with the view which older
generations
 are
vitual
Correct your spelling
virtual
vital
. To explain, elders live longer than the youth, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they have more
experiences
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experience
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 in working and
tackle
Wrong verb form
tackling
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 the
problem
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problems
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 that the younger
generations
 are lacking.
However
, because they are old
so
Correct word choice
apply
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the
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of deadlines
don't
Verb problem
isn't
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 suitable for them.
For example
, in many
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
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, the CEOs usually are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old people
while
 most of the
staffs
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staff
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 and employees are
youth
Correct your spelling
young
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.
In contrast
, in some
cultures
Add a comma
cultures,
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 the young are playing
an
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a
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 crucial role.
In other words
, young people have their own
Replace the word
enthusiasm
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enthusiastic
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enthusiasm
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 and
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flexibility
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flexible
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flexibility
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 in working.
Moreover
 their skills
also
 more professional than an elder who worked for a long time. By the side, they just do their job for a short time so the experiences are not as rich as the older
generations
.
For instance
, in many company nowadays, they prefer the younger workers than the olders. In conclusion, both
generations
 have
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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equal
Change the adjective
equally
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Replace the word
values
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valued
Replace the word
values
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, so
Correct word choice
apply
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that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cultures should have
vary
Correct your spelling
very
show examples
 folk to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
.
Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your essay thoroughly addresses the prompt. Expand your discussion to include clearer, more comprehensive ideas and support them with relevant, specific examples. For a more balanced view, consider the implications of valuing either age group on society.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by organizing your essay with a clear introduction that outlines your main points, distinct paragraphs for each idea, and a coherent conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint. Use cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs effectively without over-relying on them.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wisdom
  • experience
  • elders
  • authority
  • historical continuity
  • innovation
  • energy
  • adaptability
  • progress
  • modernization
  • technological advancement
  • intergenerational learning
  • cooperation
What to do next:
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