IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some places, old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#places #age #cultures #youth
It is argued by
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
that elder adults in some areas have a role more important than younger ones
whereas
, in others, youngsters are considered more valuable.
This
 essay agrees with the latter sentiment and lays out the reasoning below. There can be no doubt that older
people
 are a major part of society that they bring lots of experiences and advantages for culture and tradition in every country. Senior is a community
that is
 very savvy and careful because they have a longer life than anyone. They can use their knowledge
also
 the experience that they learned in the past, it can help them deal with many serious problems and prevent negative activities. Thanks to time, geriatrics know how to work most effectively and make the process comfortable and easy.
For example
, John Biden became the president of the US when he was 85 years old. He is one of the richest men in the world because of his attempts and intelligence.
However
, a minority of
people
 believe that immature
people
 are considered the most important age group because they make up the main workforce. Younger have health and their youth to develop their career and can contribute to the country.
Furthermore
, teenagers have lots of social abilities that they can use to learn many things like language or jobs. In conclusion, it can be denied that the elderly have a strong influence in society,
however
,
this
 essay has demonstrated that young
people
 are more valuable than others.

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Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your introduction should clearly state the discussion points and your opinion, while your conclusion should summarize these points succinctly.
Supporting Ideas
Develop your ideas more fully with specific examples and clear explanations. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by detailed examples or reasons.
Linking
Work on creating stronger cohesion between your ideas. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your sentences and paragraphs together more effectively.
Task Response
Address the task more directly by discussing both views thoroughly before stating your opinion. Make sure your opinion is consistent throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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