IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some places old people is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the modern world, the old
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 is appreciated in some aspects of various circumstances,
while
Linking Words
 the youth is assessed to be more essential in other places. From my point of view, the two statements not only play an important role in life but
also
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 vary gradually to have a better work-life balance. On the one hand, the elderly
is
Change the verb form
are
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 considered more important in a large scale of situations
due to
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 their job experiences.
This
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 means that the more time they work, the more maturity in
market places
Correct your spelling
marketplaces
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 they achieve.
Therefore
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, it is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old people are knowledgeable enough in some particular occupations that
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 could lead a team,
as well as
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having
Wrong verb form
have
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an
Correct article usage
the
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 organizational
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 to divide tasks suitably or guide new
employers
Correct your spelling
employees
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to
Change preposition
in
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 an accurate way.
For instance
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, the elderly work more suitably in educational
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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due to
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 their depth of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 and teaching skills which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 accumulated over a long time period.
Consequently
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, the students could enrich their horizons and approach
to
Change preposition
apply
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different data by a wide range of transmission knowledge.
On the other hand
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, there are a number of cultures which appreciate highly the youth in both mental and physical abilities.
This
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 means that the young people are the latest generations who are not only educated formally but
also
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 met a variety of information in the contemporary industries.
Therefore
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, they will have more new interpersonal skills and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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creative thinking in many sectors of jobs. To illustrate
this
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 point, take Vietnam as a prime example where the children have learned different aspects of subjects in how to deal with
a particular problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
a particular problem
particular problems
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 or how to program a simple game which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 their horizons,
as well as
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 identifying their occupations in the future. In conclusion, we should recognize that the elderly is as important as the youth in many ways which rely on how people define their roles in work.
Hence
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, both of them should follow their suitable aims to achieve the most successful goal in their life.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should explicitly state what will be discussed, and the conclusion should summarize the key points made.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas. Use transitional phrases to link sentences and paragraphs, making the argument more fluid.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address the task. Clearly discuss both views on the importance of old people and youth before stating your own opinion.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. Examples should be relevant and clearly explain how they support your argument.
task achievement
Strive for variety in sentence structure and vocabulary to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy.
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