IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others claim that they should have freedom to choose their favourite activities. Discuss both views and present your opinion.

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #favourite #activities
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The prevalence of dangerous sports has sparked a heated debate, with some arguing that the government should enact a law that prohibits
such
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 activities,
while
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 others thought that sportsmen should have the freedom to choose.
While
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 there are merits to both sides of the argument, I firmly believe that people have the right to choose as they see fit. To start off, the argument that law enforcers need to ban extreme sports is not unfounded. The number of accidents has risen significantly over the years, signifying the great risks surrounding those hobbies.
For example
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, there were one thousand cases of death because of paragliding in the city of Jakarta in 2023, an increment of 500 deaths compared to the number in 2000.
Furthermore
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, it is a common belief that the government should ensure the safety of its citizens, including from dangerous activities.
On the other hand
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, our society is built based on the notion of freedom, people are free to do any type of activity as long as others are not harmed in the process.
Moreover
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, it is important to emphasize that all athletes who partake in extreme sports have an in-depth understanding of the risks that come with the chosen sport.
For instance
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, before entering a ski resort, the customers have to sign a piece of paper, indicating that they know all the negative consequences that may come around.
To conclude
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, despite the lethal nature of those activities, they should not compromise on the promise of freedom which is considered a basic human right, especially given that the risks are all well understood.
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Introduction/Conclusion Clarity
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear, concise, and summarize your argument effectively for better structure and understanding.
Logical Structure
Make sure every paragraph logically follows from the one before it and clearly contributes to your overall argument to maintain a structured flow of ideas.
Support for Main Points
Support your main points with detailed examples and explanations consistently throughout your essay. This adds credibility and depth to your argument.
Complete Response
Target completing the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure your response covers all required aspects with clear, comprehensive ideas and relevant examples where applicable.
Clear, Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas further to make them more comprehensive and engaging. More detailed explanations and examples can help achieve this.
Relevant, Specific Examples
Utilize specific, relevant examples to strengthen your argument. Look for opportunities to include more detailed and directly relevant examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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