n this modern world, there is a strong competition between young and old people for the same job. I will discuss the pessimistic sides of this trend and suggest some feasible solutions. First of all, this trend will reduce young people’s employment opportunities and give rise to unemployment.

#n #world #competition #people #job #trend #first #people’s #employment #opportunities #rise #unemployment

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this

Linking Words

modern world, there is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

strong competition between young and old

people

Use synonyms

for the same

job

Use synonyms

. I will discuss the pessimistic sides of

this

Linking Words

trend and suggest some feasible solutions. First of all,

this

Linking Words

trend will reduce young

people

Use synonyms

’s employment opportunities and give rise to unemployment.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they have to depend on unemployment benefits and

this

Linking Words

strains

government

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funds.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, if

people

Use synonyms

are unemployed, they will be desperate and they are likely to commit crimes

such

Linking Words

as theft,

robbery

Correct word choice

and robbery

show examples

Moreover

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increased

Add an article

the increased

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crime rate in society results in a detrimental effect on public security.

In addition

Linking Words

, the other adverse impact of

this

Linking Words

trend may create a detrimental work environment.

For instance

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although

Linking Words

young employees have more advantages than the older about adapting to new technologies, the older

people

Use synonyms

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

occupy

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

higher

position

Fix the agreement mistake

positions

show examples

and higher

salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

show examples

As a consequence

Linking Words

, young employees will feel resentful or frustrated

while

Linking Words

older employees will endure great pressure because they are afraid of losing their

job

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. To continue with solutions, there are some measures that may be conducted by the

government

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. First of all, the

government

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can encourage old

people

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to retire at a certain age by providing them

many

Change preposition

with many

show examples

types of retirement benefits and health services.

As a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

will create more

job

Use synonyms

opportunities for the young generation and minimize competition.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the

government

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should invest more in education programs and training for the young who are looking for jobs.

Besides

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, it will increase employability and competitiveness in the

job

Use synonyms

market. In summary,

this

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phenomenon will give rise to some pessimistic sides.

However

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, the

government

Use synonyms

can deal with

this

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issue by some feasible measures.

Submitted by weezel on Tue Feb 27 2024

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coherence cohesion

To enhance clarity in your ideas, aim for more distinct paragraphing, where each paragraph should have a clear central idea supported by examples or explanations. This ensures your essay follows a logical progression.

coherence cohesion

Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices beyond basic connectors. Experiment with synonyms, antonyms, and discourse markers that reflect contrast, cause-effect, and emphasis to enrich your essay's flow.

task achievement

Clearly address all parts of the prompt in your response to ensure a well-rounded discussion. Expand on your points with more diverse examples and deeper analysis to fully satisfy the task requirements.

task achievement

Enhance the specificity of your examples by incorporating real-world instances, data, or studies that concretely illustrate your points. This adds credibility and depth to your argument, making it more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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n this modern world, there is a strong competition between young and old people for the same job. I will discuss the pessimistic sides of this trend and suggest some feasible solutions. First of all, this trend will reduce young people’s employment opportunities and give rise to unemployment.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this?

Since traveling abroad has become relatively inexpensive more countries are opening their doors for foreign tourists. Is it a positive or negative trend? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

Every year several languages die out.Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

some countries invest a significant amount of money in promoting the use of bicycles. why do you think this is the case? Does it have a positive or a negative impact on individuals and the society?