n this modern world, there is a strong competition between young and old people for the same job. I will discuss the pessimistic sides of this trend and suggest some feasible solutions. First of all, this trend will reduce young people’s employment opportunities and give rise to unemployment.

#n #world #competition #people #job #trend #first #people’s #employment #opportunities #rise #unemployment

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

this

modern world, there is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

strong competition between young and old

people

for the same

job

. I will discuss the pessimistic sides of

this

trend and suggest some feasible solutions. First of all,

this

trend will reduce young

people

’s employment opportunities and give rise to unemployment.

Therefore

, they have to depend on unemployment benefits and

this

strains

government

funds.

Furthermore

, if

people

are unemployed, they will be desperate and they are likely to commit crimes

such

as theft,

robbery

Correct word choice

and robbery

show examples

Moreover

increased

Add an article

the increased

show examples

crime rate in society results in a detrimental effect on public security.

In addition

, the other adverse impact of

this

trend may create a detrimental work environment.

For instance

although

young employees have more advantages than the older about adapting to new technologies, the older

people

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

occupy

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

higher

position

Fix the agreement mistake

positions

show examples

and higher

salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

show examples

As a consequence

, young employees will feel resentful or frustrated

while

older employees will endure great pressure because they are afraid of losing their

job

. To continue with solutions, there are some measures that may be conducted by the

government

. First of all, the

government

can encourage old

people

to retire at a certain age by providing them

many

Change preposition

with many

show examples

types of retirement benefits and health services.

As a result

this

will create more

job

opportunities for the young generation and minimize competition.

Secondly

, the

government

should invest more in education programs and training for the young who are looking for jobs.

Besides

, it will increase employability and competitiveness in the

job

market. In summary,

this

phenomenon will give rise to some pessimistic sides.

However

, the

government

can deal with

this

issue by some feasible measures.

Submitted by weezel on Tue Feb 27 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

To enhance clarity in your ideas, aim for more distinct paragraphing, where each paragraph should have a clear central idea supported by examples or explanations. This ensures your essay follows a logical progression.

coherence cohesion

Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices beyond basic connectors. Experiment with synonyms, antonyms, and discourse markers that reflect contrast, cause-effect, and emphasis to enrich your essay's flow.

task achievement

Clearly address all parts of the prompt in your response to ensure a well-rounded discussion. Expand on your points with more diverse examples and deeper analysis to fully satisfy the task requirements.

task achievement

Enhance the specificity of your examples by incorporating real-world instances, data, or studies that concretely illustrate your points. This adds credibility and depth to your argument, making it more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
The graph below showes the differences in wheat exports over three different areas
The graph represents the differences in wheat exports in Australia, Canada and European Community in the years 1985-1990
7.5
band
Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is often said that people usually spend their spare time with their coworkers, whereas others enjoy their privacy after work. Both sides have different advantages and drawbacks. From my perspective, I partially agree with this notion and will elaborate on it in the following paragraphs.
5.5
band
In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?
Numerous cities has been planned to reduce traffic congestions and accident rates. As a result, planner build infrastructure and seprates each shop, workplace, school and home. I tend to deem that it has more pros than cons. I will elaborate on my notion in forthcoming paragraphs.
5
band
Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges related not only to the environment, but pollution and education as well. What problems your country will face in next years.
In this cutting-edge era,most companies are facing various problems,it may be related to poverty, education ,and unemployment.However ,nations across the globe suffering the important challenges,which is not regarding the environment,but the contamination and schooling as well.This essay will articulate predominant issues facing by our country in coming year,along with a relevant conclusion.
5.5
band
Some people think that social networking sites have a hug negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree and disagree?
In recent times, technology has become increasingly advanced, and many applications have been created to support individuals’ work. Therefore, it is argued that social networking sites may offer several immense detrimental impacts on both the personal and societal levels. I would argue that although social networking sites will be able to offer certain drawbacks, there are more positive impacts such as experiencing diverse cultures and gaining new knowledge or skills.

n this modern world, there is a strong competition between young and old people for the same job. I will discuss the pessimistic sides of this trend and suggest some feasible solutions. First of all, this trend will reduce young people’s employment opportunities and give rise to unemployment.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The graph below showes the differences in wheat exports over three different areas

Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges related not only to the environment, but pollution and education as well. What problems your country will face in next years.

Some people think that social networking sites have a hug negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree and disagree?