IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be?Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?

#people #films #be #governments #support #film #industries
It is somewhat true that people are inclined to watch
movies
 produced abroad and in comparison, they watch less of their own
country
's
movies
. In my opinion, they are looking for different
production
Fix the agreement mistake
productions
show examples
 with various views
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 watching steadily
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fixed procedures and concepts. diversity is the nature of communities in which you cannot guarantee to find two identical persons,
this
 leads people to opt differently in terms of their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
. Some desire dissimilar
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 to get familiar with by choosing
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
companies
Change noun form
companies'
company's
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
.
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 instance, Hollywood is famous for its
movies
 and TV shows which are top rank in the world
therefore
, there is always a tendency toward watching them rather than the one made in own
country
. backing up
film
Add an article
the film
show examples
 industry in every
country
 is an essential part of
Correct article usage
the governments
show examples
governments
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 responsibility against
this
 industry. they need to develop and be able to compete with the most prominent
film maker
Correct your spelling
filmmaker
show examples
 in the world. to elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we can assume Hollywood as an example, if it was not because of its technology people would not give priority
watching
Change preposition
to watching
show examples
 its products. All in all, they need
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 support to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
. In conclusion, it can be
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 for the states to observe the investment in
this
 industry, but ultimately, I believe every single
country
 should conduct it to preserve its valuable history by producing related
movies
.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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task achievement
To improve your score, work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. While you've touched upon the importance of diversity and technology in filmmaking, drawing on more precise instances or case studies could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on enhancing the coherence of your essay by connecting your ideas more explicitly. Use a variety of conjunctions and cohesive devices to make the transition between paragraphs smoother and your argument more compelling.
task achievement
To boost clarity and comprehension, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations. This will help achieve a more complete and thorough response to the essay question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Cinematic expertise
  • Diverse narratives
  • Enriching cultural experience
  • Linguistic proficiency
  • Cinematography advancements
  • Government subsidies
  • Promote local talent
  • Economic sustainability
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