People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It happens in a common trajectory that
public
who stick to a specific path of business early in their lives are inclined to live a delightful working Correct article usage
the public
life
than those who often switch various jobs
. In my opinion, although
a perpetual career path is significant to one's success, the experience of trying different jobs
helps leadto
Correct your spelling
lead to
amore
desirable working Correct your spelling
a more
more
life
.
Persistence of a single working path is required to help improve a person's status in terms of society. For example
, Steve Jobs
, the entrepreneur of Apple, spent a long period of time indulging in the development and application of the iPhone and other products in a series. He is well famous for his insistence and effort paid to Apple products over the years. Meanwhile, it is he who lays a solid and successful foundation for Apple to be successful without any question.
In spite of this
, the variety of job experiences would enhance a person's feelings of freshness by avoiding dull work
in repetition. Take journalists as an opposite example, it would be exhausting to publicize that news every day since the
main duty Change the word
their
of
Change preposition
apply
them
is to edit the paragraphs. And Correct pronoun usage
apply
then
this
procedure has become an indispensable daily work
which is a limitation to personal vivid emotions.
At the same time, it would be beneficial for people to precisely know about the ultimate interest field of work
by switching jobs
. Ma Yun, a famous entrepreneur in China, used to try to work
as an English teacher, but that was not where his desire lay. Realizing later
in time, Ma Yun owned a company called Alibaba, an international shopping platform, which allowed him truly to achieve what he was eager to do. Verb problem
Later
That is
to say, he is lucky enough to work
according to
his interests.
In conclusion, it might be admitted that sticking to a career life
is prominent to become successful, but giving a try to different tasks is much more possible to gain a work
life
that people are satisfied with. It is predicted that more and more people will be willing to change jobs
.Submitted by 1210011420 on
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coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay in a more logical and cohesive manner. Ensure each paragraph follows smoothly from the one before it, and make use of linking words to connect ideas between paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop your introduction and conclusion further. Provide a clearer overview of the main points in the introduction and summarize your argument more effectively in the conclusion.
task achievement
Although the essay addresses the topic, aim to present your arguments more comprehensively. Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your overall viewpoint and refrain from contradicting statements.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your claims. While the examples of Steve Jobs and Ma Yun are good, try to explore a wider range of scenarios that directly relate to the general workforce.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.