In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

The
business
industries put
hevay
Correct your spelling
heavy
emphasis on
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
, stating their products
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
new features or functions. I am increasingly
doubious
Correct your spelling
dubious
regarding
this
being a positive development.
This
essay argues against the customer's benefits and
business
's innovation. Profit-wise,
these advertisement
Change the determiner
this advertisement
these advertisements
show examples
would be beneficial to the expansion of
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
and securing
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
revenue. The consequence,
nevertheless
, is not compelling. To make
profitable
Correct article usage
a profitable
show examples
outcome, it is possible that advertisements
promotes
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promote
show examples
false information regarding the product. To be evident, a chocolate used to brag about
their
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the
show examples
lowered percentage of carbohydrates in their product.
However
, it is only replaced with other types of sugar.
This
appears to be highly unethical. The public may lose faith in the quality brought by
business
companies. To see
this
from the customers' perspectives, overemphasizing new features in
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
forges an illusion of the absence of
business
innovation.
Business
entreprises
Correct your spelling
enterprises
tend to release products that
are have
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have
show examples
repeatible
Correct your spelling
repeatable
functions. To give an illustration,
the
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apply
show examples
Apple
inc.
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Inc.
show examples
put
enormous
Add an article
the enormous
an enormous
show examples
spotlight on their annual brand-new
IPhone
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iPhone
show examples
or
IPad
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iPad
show examples
. Notwithstanding the appealing package, the majority of customers are highly aware that there lacks a multitude of newly constructed functions, but only
additonal
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additional
enhancements based on the previous versions. In the long run, they
hence losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
interest
to purchase
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in purchasing
show examples
since it would not be sensible to invest in seemingly new yet innovative-less gadgets. Generally, all things considered,
while
the
business
indrustry
Correct your spelling
industry
consider
Correct subject-verb agreement
considers
show examples
this
appealing in favour of
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
profitable revenue, I truly believe it would shatter the long-built solid
business
reputation
due to
a loss of innovation and deprival of customers trust.
Submitted by lokyiu612 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a more structured and organized presentation of your ideas to improve coherence and cohesion. Use clear paragraphs for each main point, linking ideas smoothly to aid readability.
task achievement
Work on a clearer, more direct introduction that outlines your stance and previews the points you will discuss. Additionally, enrich your essay with more specific examples and details to better support your arguments and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
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