IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. WHy is this?Do you think it is positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
Recently, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies
use
Wrong verb form
have used
show examples
 strategies
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their advertisements by introducing something new in their products. In my opinion, I think it has
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 development.
Firstly
, introducing new elements in the products will keep the public intact about the company. The people feel more connected with the thing as they continuously see more updates about it rather than the same old boring product.
For example
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 perfume industry
launch
Change the verb form
launches
show examples
 new items
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
 because people will get used to the smell or bored using the existing smell.
Therefore
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
introducing new items will make the crowd more excited even though the old launches were successful.
This
 will be the main strategy used by most of the brands to keep the public excited during every launch.
Secondly
, there are so many industries in the market for the same thing. Here,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition among the brands
exist
Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
show examples
. So in
this
 case, adding different elements to the piece will make it
recoganisable
Correct your spelling
recognisable
recognizable
 among others. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
, too many groups produce shampoo with different names. That one group excels
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
came
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 up with
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 unique flavour which public
becomes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
curious about the shampoo.
Furthermore
,
this
 idea can
also
 be
acheived
Correct your spelling
achieved
 by giving free goods
along with
 the purchase.
In other words
 a package of wheat flour comes with a container which attracts a lot of customers. I summarise that emphasising their goods with variant formulas is a positive development. Here, the people
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 by exploring more.
Submitted by thilagaraj7007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your response addresses the topic and provides a clear stance, but more thorough development of ideas is needed for a higher score. Aim to explore the reasons and implications of the trend more deeply.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, use a variety of linking words effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. A clear, logical structure is present, but greater use of cohesive devices could enhance flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. Clearly state your opinion in the introduction, and summarize your main points in the conclusion to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your essay, include more specific examples to support your points. General statements are made, but detailed, real-world examples make your argument more convincing and relevant.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
What to do next:
Look at other essays: