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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phone between 2006 and 2010.

The table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phone between 2006 and 2010.
#percentage #people #phones #features #phone
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The chart shows the percentage of people who
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
facilities
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 between 2006 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,every
prenctage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 used of
Use synonyms
facilities
Correct article usage
the facilities
show examples
 of
phone
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
significtanly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 except
two
Change preposition
for two
show examples
 things
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 calls and
play
Replace the word
playing
show examples
 games had
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 decrease from 2008.
however
Linking Words
,
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 calls
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 at
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 of the rate of
phone
Use synonyms
 usage with 99
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010. Regarding
send
Wrong verb form
sending
show examples
 and
recieve
Correct your spelling
receiving
 text
massages
Correct your spelling
messages
show examples
, it is the second most used
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone facility
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 and has grown by 6% from 2006 ,it
trasformed
Correct your spelling
transformed
 from 73% to 79%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010. as you can see on the chart in 2006 , there is no data for
search
Wrong verb form
searching
show examples
 the
internt
Correct your spelling
Internet
 and
record
Replace the word
recording
show examples
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
, they
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieved
show examples
respecfully
Correct your spelling
respectfully
to 41% and 9% in 2008 and
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 numbers made huge
diffrences
Correct your spelling
differences
difference
in 2010
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 attentively to 73% and 35%. During
this
Linking Words
 period like most uses of
phone
Use synonyms
 features ,
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
photo
Fix the agreement mistake
photos
show examples
 had
complling
Correct your spelling
compelling
compiling
 increase politely from 17% and 66% to 26% and 76% at
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 .
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the two features of
Use synonyms
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
 saw
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
 trend
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
other
facilities
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
 increased
significatly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 from 2006 to 2010.
Submitted by sindokhtdadjoo2000 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words facilities, phone with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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