IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken. Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter: ●Describe the problem with the equipment ●Explain what happened when you phoned the shop ●Say what you would like the manager to do

#piece #equipment #kitchen #work #shop #action #manager #●describe #●explain #●say
Dear Sir/Madam, Hi , My name is Mohit and I am writing
this
 letter to seek your attention
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
my
Change the word
the
show examples
 problem which I am facing after buying
clothes
Correct article usage
a clothes
show examples
 dryer from your shop.
Dryer
Add an article
The dryer
A dryer
show examples
 is not working
good
Change the word
well
show examples
. It's not drying the clothes even using for an hour, clothes remain wet even after that. I called on shop about
this
 problem but no action was taken by customer service. They just said we will send
mechanic
Correct article usage
a mechanic
show examples
 for it. I am waiting for their
further
 for their response and now they are not answering my calls. I would like you to please personally check where
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the problem is. I bought
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 one which has both
warranty
Correct article usage
a warranty
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
a guarante
show examples
guarante
Correct your spelling
guarantee
. You can check with your employees or please replace
this
 machine with
other
Correct pronoun usage
another
show examples
 one if possible. I
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 really appreciate it. I am waiting for your response. Please take action as soon as possible.
Your
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
 faithfully Mohit
Submitted by Kamaljeetkaur6968 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your letter into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of your issue. For example, one paragraph for describing the problem, another for your experience with customer service, and a final one for the action you desire.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your opening and closing lines could be made more formal and suited to a letter format. Begin with 'Dear [Manager's Name or Shop Name],' if known, and conclude with 'Yours sincerely,' followed by your full name, to maintain a professional tone.
Task Achievement
For a stronger task response, ensure that each part of the prompt is addressed fully. While you've addressed all parts, expanding on each point with more detail and clarity could enhance your response. Specifically, describe the equipment and the issue in more detail, elaborate on the conversation with customer service, and specify clearly the action you want the manager to take.
Task Achievement
Consider the tone of your letter to ensure it's appropriately formal for writing to a manager. Avoid casual phrases and ensure the language you use is polite yet assertive, to convey your issue effectively while being respectful.

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