IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, people make new friends with the use of social networks and internet chat groups. Some of the people think this is good. other people thinks that face-to-face conversations is beneficial. discuss both sides.

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A high percentage of sugar is seen in many fabricated
products
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, leading to several health problems. Some argue that the
price
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 of those
products
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 should be higher to discourage consumers from buying them. I agree with it.
However
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, I believe that informing
people
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 about its danger can
also
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 help tackle
this
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 issue. 
First,
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the higher the
price
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 of
products
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, the more they will be avoided.
For example
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, it is often said that fast foods are more consumed by
people
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, because of the low prices they are offered in comparison to more healthy and organic foods.
Therefore
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, by increasing its
price
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,
people
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 would think twice before buying those manufactured foods and drinks and could opt for something appropriate to their health.
Second,
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increasing the
price
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 of
products
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 will stop fast
food
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 places from offering unhealthy, desirable
food
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 at
such
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 low prices. 
Secondly
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, increasing information about those types of
products
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 can help
people
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 understand the level of danger they cause.
For instance
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, if
products
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' label letters are very small and hidden,
people
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 will not be able to see them properly.
Therefore
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, they should have visible signs informing
people
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 about the
products
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 that contain a high level of sugar.
Additionally
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, the letters on the
label
Fix the agreement mistake
labels
show examples
 of
products
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 should be bigger and more specific about the level of sugar they contain.
Thus
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,
people
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 could see better and be more informed.  In conclusion, manufactured
food
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 and drink should be more expensive
due to
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 the alarming health issues they can cause. Consequentially, the population can choose better
food
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.
Also
Linking Words
, better information can help consumers avoid
this
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 type of
food
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
To improve task response, continue developing clear, comprehensive ideas by incorporating a wider range of examples and exploring arguments more deeply. Consider counterarguments to strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
To boost your score in coherence and cohesion, consider clearer paragraph transitions and the use of linking words. While the essay flows relatively well, more explicit connections between ideas could enhance readability and structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your introduction and conclusion by more distinctly stating your position in the introduction and summarizing your main arguments more comprehensively in the conclusion. This reinforces the essay’s overall argument and structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Convenience
  • Anonymity
  • Socially anxious
  • Introverts
  • Diverse cultures
  • Perspectives
  • Non-verbal cues
  • Body language
  • Facial expressions
  • Emotional bonds
  • Trust
  • Meaningful interactions
  • Sustained conversations
  • Distractions
  • Social skills
  • Effective communication
  • Empathy
  • Active listening
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