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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? why do you think some people might no be happy to give up using cash?

#future #people #shops #cash #payments #card #phones #be
Generally speaking,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 believe that
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 generation will not be using cash for basic
transaction
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transactions
show examples
,
instead
 of
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
using paper currency, everyone will be transformed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
digital
Correct article usage
a digital
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 world by utilizing their credit
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 and
other form
Change the wording
another form
other forms
show examples
 of electronic payments for shopping. From my perspective, I partially agree with the statement that most
of
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apply
show examples
citizens will be moved towards automation settlement methods.
However
, there are certain
people
still
Correct pronoun usage
who still
show examples
 refuse to
use
 their debit cards. With regards
of
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to
show examples
 future payment methods, the main reason why
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 will prefer to
use
 bank
card
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cards
show examples
 to complete
transaction
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transactions
show examples
 is because it is easy to carry with their wallet.
In addition
, when
the
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apply
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citizen wants to make a larger number of transactions, they usually carry a bulk amount of currency paper with them. Eventually,
this
 invention
it
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apply
show examples
makes them
to
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apply
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feel comfortable
,
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apply
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 when they do a huge amount of settlement.
For example
, most of the data
scientist
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scientists
show examples
 found that
people
 are spending a tremendous number of wealth using their electronic cards.
On the other hand
, the primary reason
still now
Rephrase
why
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 a few
people
 are
strict
Rephrase
still strict
show examples
to
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about using
show examples
use
 their
phone
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phones
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 to make
payment
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payments
show examples
 is because of security
threat
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threats
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the development of bank
card
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cards
show examples
 made
easier
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it easier
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 for bank account holders
as well
as
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and
show examples
 it
also
makes
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 a simple way to loot resources from
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 financial
institution
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institutions
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 locker by hackers. To an extent, it
also
 helps the hacker to steal their personal information, and they sell it
in
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on
show examples
dark
Add an article
the dark
show examples
 web.
For instance
, most of the experts said,
because
Correct word choice
that because
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 of
this
 incident traditional
thief
Fix the agreement mistake
thieves
show examples
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 started to learn about hacking. All in all, there are certain
people
will
Correct pronoun usage
who will
show examples
 always prefer to
use
 cash for
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
show examples
, even
the
Correct word choice
though the
show examples
 world is developing with new technology. From my point of view, what I suggest to the public,
please
Add a missing verb
is please
show examples
 add
two-factor
Add an article
a two-factor
show examples
 authentication security layer to complete a payment.
Submitted by jeevesh001 on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay closely adheres to the prompt by directly addressing the question, discussing both the inevitability of digital payments and the reasons some might resist this change. Provide specific examples for each point to enhance clarity and relevance.
Coherence
Enhance coherence by organizing your ideas more logically. Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, and ensure that the sentences within the paragraph connect smoothly to develop that idea. Use transition words to guide the reader through your discussion.
Cohesion
Improve cohesion by linking your ideas more effectively. Use a variety of linking devices (e.g., conjunctions, cohesive devices) beyond just simple connectors. This creates a smoother flow and makes your essay feel more unified.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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