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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the charts below show tha average percentages in meals of three types of nutrients all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much

the charts below show tha average percentages in meals of three types of nutrients all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much
The three pie charts display the average proportions of
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in breakfast, lunch,
dinner
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Change the noun form
snack
show examples
 meals consumed in the Americans meals .
Overall
Linking Words
, people tend to consume more
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat in
dinner
Use synonyms
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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.
While
Linking Words
 they eat snacks
countian
Correct your spelling
contain
 high amounts of added
sugar
Use synonyms
. Regarding
Americans
Change noun form
American's
Americans'
show examples
nutrients
Change the noun form
nutrient
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 consumption
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
, they eat
larger
Add an article
a larger
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 quantity of
sodium
Use synonyms
account
Wrong verb form
accounting
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 for 43% and saturated fat
at
Change preposition
apply
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37%
therefore
Linking Words
 it
considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
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 too
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
unhealthy. During
lunch
Add a comma
lunch,
show examples
 they intake the same nutrients at 29% and 26% respectively
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
approximately 15 percentage points less.
In addition
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 prefer snacks with
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 percentage of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 at 42% and low
sodium
Use synonyms
 by only 14%.
However
Linking Words
, the provided data shows that in the breakfast smaller amounts of the three items are consumed, 14%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sodium
Use synonyms
, 16%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
saturated fat and 16%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
added
sugar
Use synonyms
 which makes it the healthiest meal.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, dinner with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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