The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by ‎almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this ‎disturbing trend.

From
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
last
ten years , the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overweight adolescents in
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
culture has increased to 20%. The
impeding
Correct your spelling
impending
show examples
essay will discuss the reasons and
problems
of
this
factor. To start with , one of the main
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
is
adapting
Correct your spelling
adopting
show examples
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle . Nowadays ,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
spend most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
at
home
playing video games with eating unhealthy
food
like pizza ,
snacks
Correct word choice
and snacks
show examples
on the side .
Therefore
, young
children
become
lazy
Rephrase
too lazy
show examples
to even go for
five
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
minutes
Correct your spelling
five-minute
show examples
walk outside . Another main cause is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
diet followed by parents at
home
.
Due to
high living standards in big cities and managing multiple jobs to pay expenses ,parents do not have
time
to feed their
children
.
Instead
of cooking
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
at
home
, they purchase
food
from franchises like McDonald which serve
process
Replace the word
processed
show examples
foods and
this
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
in overweight
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
.
For instance
, a recent study shows that the United
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
has the majority of overweight
children
population. There are two main
problems
due to
this
trend . Primary, those
children
who are overweight
suffers
Change the verb form
suffer
show examples
from different kinds of health issues .
Due to
continue watching
netflix
Change the capitalization
Netflix
show examples
for hours and playing video games for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
shows
Verb problem
it has
show examples
effect
Correct article usage
an effect
show examples
on
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
show examples
.
This leds
Change the determiner
This led
These leds
show examples
to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of confidence in the
children
due to
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
in physical appearance which
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
role in making friends in high school.
Secondary
Replace the word
Secondly
show examples
,
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
on eating
poor
Add an article
a poor
show examples
diet for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
in
problems
in the digestive system .
For example
, some
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
face the problem of
diarrhea
Change the spelling
diarrhoea
show examples
due to
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
of contaminated
food
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
restaurants
due to
lack
of eating
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
meal. In conclusion , the trend of the overweight in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
has increased
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor eating habits and
lack
of physical
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
,these
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
health issues which include digestive
problems
too.
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Be mindful of the variety and complexity of sentences to enhance your writing. Mixing simple, compound, and complex sentences can demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures and help present ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear, logical structure by using paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Transitions between paragraphs will also help maintain flow.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. Words like 'moreover,' 'however,' and 'consequently' can help to show the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by expanding on your ideas and providing specific, detailed examples. This helps demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Each point you introduce should be explored in-depth, with explanations and specific examples that corroborate your argument.
task achievement
Be cautious with grammar and spelling throughout your essay. Minor errors can distract from your message and reduce the clarity of your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • advancements in technology
  • physical activities
  • availability
  • popularity
  • fast food
  • high-calorie
  • marketed aggressively
  • preferred choice
  • lack of awareness
  • education
  • healthy eating habits
  • nutritional values
  • dietary choices
  • physical
  • psychological
  • risk
  • developing
  • serious health problems
  • diabetes
  • high blood pressure
  • heart disease
  • bullying
  • social isolation
  • low self-esteem
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • long-term impact
  • quality of life
  • personal and professional life
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!