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Band 5.5

In some places old age is value, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #age #value #cultures #youth
There is a belief that the old are more favourable than
youngsters
whereas
 other areas approve
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 opposition. It is the opinion of
this
 writer that the youth should be the top priority rather than the old. It is crucial to understand that generally,
youngsters
 are a potential workforce.
This
 can be comprehended by monitoring the productivity, intelligence
Add the comma(s)
, as well as efficiency belonging to this group,
show examples
as well as
 efficiency belonging to
this
 group are substantial.
This
 is significantly true in many jobs pertaining to paperwork, where the vast of white-collar workers are
youngsters
 as they own a noticeable performance.
Thus
, young adults should be
Add an article
the leader
a leader
show examples
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
However
, some individuals approve that the old
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more valuable despite their weaker performance. To explain,
this
 group majors in specific aspects
due to
 their profound experience, which promotes them to solve various unfamiliar tasks straightforwardly. They are right to a certain extent, but these individuals can not deal with problems which require the ability to think out of the box and make a difference.
According to
this
 writer's knowledge, it is advisable to focus on
youngsters
' contributions.
This
 is because they are healthier both regarding physical shape and mental status, meaning they are better equipped to cope with working pressure and provide innovation.
Consequently
, businesses which employ young labourers often depict a much higher income than those rivals who have numerous old employees. Obviously,
this
 essay has demonstrated the reasonable factors for opting for young adults to be the leaders of society.
Therefore
, the younger age group is more
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 than its alternative.
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task achievement
When providing a direct response to the essay question, try to make sure your opinion is clearly stated and elaborated upon throughout the essay, not just at the beginning and end. This helps ensure a complete response that thoroughly addresses the task.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures and transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance both coherence and cohesion, making your writing more fluent and easier to follow.
task achievement
To support your main points more effectively, try to include both specific examples and comprehensive explanations within your body paragraphs. This approach makes your arguments more convincing and your essay more engaging.
task achievement
While discussing both views, aim for a more balanced approach by elaborating equally on both sides. This strengthens your essay by showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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