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Band 5

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter explain why you would like the job give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ say how you would spend your tree time while you are in Australia

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #six #months #child #parents #job #person #tree #time #australia
Dear
madam
Capitalize word
Madam
show examples
, I am writing
this
 letter in response to an advertisement, published
last
 week
on
Change preposition
in
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 one of the leading
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 family
magazine
Fix the agreement mistake
magazines
show examples
,where you asked for a
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
 live-in caregiver for your six-year-old
child
.I have
proper
Add an article
the proper
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 experience to take the best
care
 of your
child
 and I would like to take the job. I am confident that I would be able to render a great service in taking
care
 of your
child
 since I have had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good experience in raising a couple of young siblings as the eldest
child
 of my family.
Besides
,I love children
sice
Correct your spelling
since
 I consider them as a bundle of joy ,and
that is
 why I took
care
 of some young children as a babysitter in my hometown.In fact, I find children so special that I have taken a short online course on parenting so that I could relate to them in a better way. By the way, I recently
come
Wrong verb form
came
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 to visit Australia from my home country at the invitation of my uncle in order to live with him for the next six months or so. And,
while
 I am in Australia I would
also
 love to explore
this
 beautiful country and learn about the lifestyle and culture of its people
in addition
 to taking
care
 of your
child
 should you choose to offer me the job. Sincerely MRS.Chi
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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greeting and closing
Begin with a more engaging and personalized greeting, such as 'Dear Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name],' to make a strong initial connection.
logical structure
Structure your paragraphs clearly, starting with an introductory sentence and following it up with supporting details. This will improve the logical flow of your letter.
single idea per paragraph
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to maintain clarity. For example, dedicate individual paragraphs to why you're interested in the job, your qualifications, and your plans while in Australia.
complete response
To fully meet the task response, provide more specific examples of your previous childcare experience. Share anecdotes or specific skills that make you suitable for the role.
suitable writing tone
Adopt a more formal tone suitable for a job application. Avoid colloquial expressions and ensure the usage of proper salutations and closings.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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