Some people believe that part time job can ensure better job opportunities in future. Others think job can easily distract students from study. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #part #time #job #opportunities #future #students #study

Many

thought

Replace the word

think

show examples

opportunities are better for

students

who

Change the verb form

are

show examples

working a part-time

job

while

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others believe it might disturb their

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

While

students

Change noun form

student's

students'

show examples

focus should be

studying

Change preposition

on studying

show examples

, there are some lessons for them to work

beside

Correct your spelling

on besides

show examples

study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

. I will discuss these views in

this

essay.

Firstly

, taking a part-time

job

might have several benefits for

students

In other words

students

can gain more

experiences

Fix the agreement mistake

experience

show examples

softskills

Correct your spelling

soft skills

soft-skills

and learn

Change preposition

apply

show examples

how to apply

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

after they

graduated

Wrong verb form

graduate

show examples

. Namely, communication, teamwork, and leadership. Those skills are required when they want to grow their career in the future. In

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real life, it is almost impossible to be successful by solely

depends

Wrong verb form

depending

show examples

hardskill

Correct your spelling

hard work

However

, there are

also

downsides

for

Change preposition

show examples

taking part-time

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

for

students

For instance

, time management has been an issue for

students

. Most of the jobs required more than 20 hours a week.

Thus

students

will juggle between their tasks after class and their

job

most of the time. In fact, some of the

students

who take

job

Add an article

a job

the job

show examples

during their study

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

a slight drop in their exam results. In conclusion,

while

there are beneficial for

students

to take part-time

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

, it is important for them to manage their time.

Submitted by riki on Sat Mar 02 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

To enhance task response, ensure that your essay comprehensively answers all parts of the question. In your case, more balance between discussing both views and including specific examples to support your statements will enhance clarity and completeness. Also, clearly state your own opinion in a separate paragraph to make your stance evident.

coherence cohesion

Increase coherence and cohesion by better organizing your essay. Use clear paragraphing for each main idea, and consistently use linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Consider introducing the topic with a general statement before presenting both views for a smoother transition into the main body of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

201 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

practical experience
time management
professional network
enhance a resume
distract
academic pursuits
poor time management
stress
burnout
academic achievements
balance work and study
career goals
support system
part-time employment
prospective employers

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and homeless people. What is the cause of the problem? To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Presently, the number of homeless and jobless individuals is in a sharp upward trend across the countries. Therefore, certain people hold the view that related government agencies should bear the responsibility to look after their citizens. I advocate the idea that furnishing their citizens with provisions in case of a need is among the utmost priorities for the governments.
5.5
band
It is more important for a building to serve a purpose than to look beautiful. Architects should not worry about producing building as a work of art. Do you agree or disagree ?
In the modern era, some groups of society think the apperance of a structure does not matter at all while others disagree. I personally endorse the latter standpoint and I'm going to explain why in the rest of this essay.
5.5
band
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You are going to study in a college in the UK next year. You would like to stay in a college Hall of Residence. Write a letter to the college. In your letter explain your accommodation requirements explain what your food needs are ask what alternatives are available if they cannot provide what you want You should write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,
I'm writitng to enquire the facilities available in your college hostal complex.
5.5
band
Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are some who believe that a certain group of young residents now spends almost of their time shopping which can lead to some disadvantages to their life. This writer totally agrees with that assumption because shopping frequently not only influenced in finance but also reduces the energy on other active activities.
5
band
Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
It is believed by some people that governments should spend money looking for aliens. In contrary, many of them think that there are lot of problems to solve in this world and the money spending on aliens is nothing but waste. However, this essay will argue why authority should continue looking for life on other planets.

Some people believe that part time job can ensure better job opportunities in future. Others think job can easily distract students from study. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and homeless people. What is the cause of the problem? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is more important for a building to serve a purpose than to look beautiful. Architects should not worry about producing building as a work of art. Do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?