Some people believe that part time job can ensure better job opportunities in future. Others think job can easily distract students from study. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many
thought
Replace the word
think
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opportunities are better for
students
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who
is
Change the verb form
are
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working a part-time
job
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while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others believe it might disturb their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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.
While
Linking Words
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
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focus should be
studying
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on studying
show examples
, there are some lessons for them to work
beside
Correct your spelling
on besides
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study
Wrong verb form
studying
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. I will discuss these views in
this
Linking Words
essay.
Firstly
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, taking a part-time
job
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might have several benefits for
students
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.
In other words
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
can gain more
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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in
softskills
Correct your spelling
soft skills
soft-skills
and learn
on
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apply
show examples
how to apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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after they
graduated
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graduate
show examples
. Namely, communication, teamwork, and leadership. Those skills are required when they want to grow their career in the future. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life, it is almost impossible to be successful by solely
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
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on
hardskill
Correct your spelling
hard work
.
However
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, there are
also
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downsides
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
taking part-time
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
for
students
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, time management has been an issue for
students
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. Most of the jobs required more than 20 hours a week.
Thus
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,
students
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will juggle between their tasks after class and their
job
Use synonyms
most of the time. In fact, some of the
students
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who take
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
during their study
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a slight drop in their exam results. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
there are beneficial for
students
Use synonyms
to take part-time
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, it is important for them to manage their time.
Submitted by riki on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that your essay comprehensively answers all parts of the question. In your case, more balance between discussing both views and including specific examples to support your statements will enhance clarity and completeness. Also, clearly state your own opinion in a separate paragraph to make your stance evident.
coherence cohesion
Increase coherence and cohesion by better organizing your essay. Use clear paragraphing for each main idea, and consistently use linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Consider introducing the topic with a general statement before presenting both views for a smoother transition into the main body of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • practical experience
  • time management
  • professional network
  • enhance a resume
  • distract
  • academic pursuits
  • poor time management
  • stress
  • burnout
  • academic achievements
  • balance work and study
  • career goals
  • support system
  • part-time employment
  • prospective employers
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