Some people think it is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping centers in these new town for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, the new town building
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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places to enjoy and
relaxation
Replace the word
relax
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, and spend time with families and friends. So, people believe it is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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in new towns to spend free time. I believe that both are equally important.
Submitted by salhp9 on

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Task Achievement
The essay provides a basic position but lacks a developed argument, specific examples, and a clear conclusion. To enhance task achievement, elaborate on your viewpoint with distinct reasons and examples. Consider both sides of the argument if you're discussing a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher coherence and cohesion score, focus on organizing your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs each dedicated to a specific point, and a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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