In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time jobs while they are still in school. Do the advantages of teenager working outweigh the disadvantages?

#places #teenagers #jobs #school #teenager

It is a common belief that having part-time

jobs

is not helpful for teenagers,

in particular

However

, there is a more persuasive argument that working

Correct your spelling

show examples

part-time

jobs

Fix the agreement mistake

job

show examples

is one of the

experiences

that teenagers cannot achieve and learn from

school

. I personally believe that we could encourage them to taste the experience of being an adult as a part of society. On the one hand,

students

should not be encouraged to get part-time

jobs

because it will significantly

affect

Verb problem

cause

show examples

them

losing

Change the verb form

to lose

show examples

their purpose as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

by spending time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

working somewhere.

This

is because it will eventually drive them to concentrate on getting broad knowledge from

school

instead

of money.

For example

, if they

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

regularly go to work after

schooling

Replace the word

school

show examples

, doing assignments for the next day is not enough, even more co-working with their classmates will be less than their

school

curriculum. Ultimately, they could seek to maximize earning money, not learning what they need to do in the future.

Nevertheless

, having mini

jobs

will be helpful for

students

since it promotes a wide range of possibilities to see the future and what they will do after graduation.

According to

recent research, having both

experiences

, working and studying, makes

students

' spectrum of thinking wider than other

students

who did not have work

experiences

such

as training high

school

internship programs, because it expands their barrier of thinking and links what they are doing at the workplace with their knowledge they achieved from

school

. To sum it all up,

while

there are some disadvantages to

students

if they have part-time

jobs

, it is evident that the advantages of learning professional work

experiences

with schooling outweigh them.

Submitted by lss870311 on Sat Mar 02 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

To enhance your task achievement score, focus on developing your main points with a range of relevant, specific examples. This approach will help to strengthen your argument, making it more compelling and comprehensive. Consider including statistics, personal anecdotes, or case studies that directly support your stance on the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, strive for a logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Each paragraph should focus on a clear main point, supported by examples and explanations. Linking phrases (e.g., 'On the other hand,' 'Furthermore') can help transition smoothly between points. Additionally, review your essay to ensure that it is well-organized and that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Some people think the best way to solve trafic congestion in cities is to provide free public transport 24 hour a day, 7 days a week. Is it good or bad, to what extent do you agree or disagree.
I’d like to appreciate your patience on reading the letter. I went back to PRC MOF for new position since I finished my tour of duty in ADB.How to solve the complex problems and challenges faced in operations during the development of MDBs is the question that I have been thinking about. I'm convinced that staff's interest with passion, experience advantages, and scientific foresight are crucial factors, and mobilizing their enthusiasm and initiative is an effective way for us to overcome all challenges.
4.5
band
More and more people are moving from rural areas to live in cities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be solved? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Many of people are moving from countryside areas to live in cities. I think this issues can be happening because of lack job opportunities and they want to upgrade their life quality. In order to tackle this problem, the goverment should put more of their attention to increase job opportunities and renovate the countryside to be more modern.
4
band
What is homelessness? And what you think about the reasons of for people having home less
homelessness was already a considerable social issue that exist for long periods in society. most peoples tend to believe the idea of poverty and unemployment are the main factors that cause people to become homeless. In other aspects, homelessness could also be due to war between countries or opposite political parties as it directly causes actual damage to people living environments without taking any responsibility.
6
band
In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of diverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages. In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of diverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages.
At present time, technology becoming so Successful it is hard to think of something without it when expertise there will claim that leadless vehicles in the future, what is ,more inside vehicle passengers will be there. In my opinion, both advantages and disadvantages have their own to gain and disadvantages in this essay I am going explore them.
6.5
band
Most employees nowdays put increasing emphasis on social skills . Some people believe that social skills are important in addition to good qualifications for job success. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Varies have been put on the table when it comes to the hiring process of employees , so the decision needs to be taken wisely to fulfil the requirements of a company. However , some say that social skills are as vital as good qualifications for getting success in a job. In this essay , I shall fortify the notion with suitable arguments and necessary illustrations before citing my feasible conclusion.

In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time jobs while they are still in school. Do the advantages of teenager working outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think the best way to solve trafic congestion in cities is to provide free public transport 24 hour a day, 7 days a week. Is it good or bad, to what extent do you agree or disagree.

More and more people are moving from rural areas to live in cities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be solved? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

What is homelessness? And what you think about the reasons of for people having home less

Most employees nowdays put increasing emphasis on social skills . Some people believe that social skills are important in addition to good qualifications for job success. To what extent do you agree or disagree.