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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

question: The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site.

question: The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site.
#maps #show #area #town #norbiton #future #development #site
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The maps illustrate some changes that will be developed in the Norbiton industrial
area
Use synonyms
. In
generall
Correct your spelling
general
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there are some modifications
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
show examples
 come in
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 industrial
area
Use synonyms
 of Norbiton city namely
playground
Correct article usage
the playground
show examples
, school,
shops
Correct word choice
and shops
show examples
although
Linking Words
 the
river
Use synonyms
 and town will never
changed
Change the verb form
change
be changed
show examples
. To start with, currently,
Norbiton
Correct article usage
the Norbiton
show examples
 industrial region
is consisted
Wrong verb form
consists
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
river
Use synonyms
, which
is flowed
Wrong verb form
flows
show examples
 throughout at north side and there is a band
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
northeast
Add an article
the northeast
show examples
area
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the middle of the
area
Use synonyms
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a roundabout and it creates two
path
Change to a plural noun
paths
show examples
. One is on
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 of
roundabout
Add an article
the roundabout
a roundabout
show examples
 and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 one is at
south
Add an article
a south
the south
show examples
 site
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is added with
long
Add an article
the long
a long
show examples
 path which is located throughout the south
area
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the proposal, only
town
Correct article usage
the town
show examples
 will remain not relocated from the original side. The most significant
developed
Replace the word
development
show examples
 will be between
Use synonyms
river
Add an article
the river
show examples
 and
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 path. A medical
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 will be constructed
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
southeast
Add an article
the southeast
show examples
 of
roundabout
Add an article
the roundabout
a roundabout
show examples
 and shops shall
have been
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 located opposite of Medical
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the future plan, a playground and school will be constructed south of the
River
Use synonyms
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 has a band.
In addition
Linking Words
, people will live
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
southwest
Add an article
the southwest
show examples
 corner where
is
Correct pronoun usage
there is
show examples
 a factory now.
Although
Linking Words
 a bridge will be built middle of the industry.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, moreover".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area, river with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrial area
  • development
  • infrastructure
  • manufacturing
  • facilities
  • transition
  • planning
  • commercial
  • residential
  • renovation
  • urban planning
  • sustainability
  • environmental impact
  • local economy
  • rejuvenation
  • construction
  • modernization
  • accessibility
  • demolition
  • gentrification
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