IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it’s a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #it’s #idea #socialise #work #colleagues #evenings #weekends #life
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It is thought by some that socializing with office colleagues after work
hours
 is ideal,
whereas
, others say that
this
 should be avoided. In my opinion, I strongly believe that there should be a balance in managing both these aspects.
To begin
 with, work colleagues are a major part of any individual's everyday life as they spend over 8
hours
 during the day with them.
However
, during
this
time
, there wouldn't be much opportunity to get to know the team
members
 as
everyone
 is focused on getting their daily tasks completed. In
such
 situations meeting them outside work
hours
 would provide the opportunity to build a good rapport with
everyone
.
For example
, my previous employer encouraged
everyone
 to meet
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 once a week during weekends or evenings as it certainly helped to build good relationships with the employees.
This
 eventually helped to improve results on all team projects.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand, others believe that it is important to
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 work-life from social life.
That is
 to say, as
everyone
 spends the majority of the
hours
 with their staff
members
 during the day, the rest of the
time
 should be allocated to spend
time
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loved ones or family
members
.
This
 is pivotal because personal relationships ought to be nurtured and failing to do so will result in failed marriages and
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
 relationships.
For example
, a study conducted by the University of Harvard reported that 70% of marriages fail in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 because people are not spending enough
time
 with their spouses. In my view, I believe that there should be a balance in managing both sides. Someone can socialise once a week with colleagues after
hours
while
also
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the days with their loved ones. In conclusion,
while
 some people believe that it is wise to spend evening
hours
 with their team
members
 others may not agree stating that work-life should be separated from social life.
However
, I believe that there should be a balance in managing both sides.
Submitted by madonnasama on

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task achievement
Ensure that you have a clear thesis statement in your introduction, stating your opinion clearly. This will help readers understand your stance from the beginning.
task achievement
Focus on providing more detailed examples to support your claims. Although your essay contains examples, greater detail and specificity could strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and engagement. Avoid repetition of phrases and consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make clear paragraph transitions that connect the ideas between paragraphs more smoothly. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cohesive work environment
  • work-life balance
  • renewed focus
  • interpersonal relationships
  • professional boundaries
  • fostering
  • blur the lines
  • burnout
  • networking opportunities
  • informal mentorships
  • career advancement
  • workplace dynamics
  • personal well-being
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