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Writing Samples
Band 7

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree

#criminals #prison #method #education #job
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Many individuals currently believe that keeping law offenders captived is not the most efficient way to cope with them but in lieu of that, the utilization of education and occupation training are the preferred solutions. The writer of
this
 essay argues that it is reasonable and must be done because jail is not going to provide them with the necessary conditions to rethink their sins and upon being released they will not have the required qualifications to adapt. It must be recognized that most places of confinement are not up to standard.
In other words
, the inmates are not provided with the vital elements to live or to regret their unlawful behaviours.
Furthermore
, most jailors and wardens treat jailbirds without any respect toward them which in turn just creates more hatred and
further
 pushes them to commit crimes when released.
This
 has been the case for centuries, with prisoners being set free and
then
 being apprehended immediately but the opposite can be seen with inmates treated with education with them either succeeding in life or redeeming themselves. Another point to take into consideration is that the penitentiary will keep the prisoners from society and prevent them from acquiring up-to-date information.
This
 will have a detrimental effect on the beings after the penalty because they will not have any knowledge of the surroundings nor the qualifications to ensure an occupation.
As a result
, they will resort to offending the law to make a living as they have not got any other choices.
However
, providing those individuals with job training will fend off the possibility of them enrolling in any illegal acts. In conclusion, though locking offenders behind metal bars are punishment for their sins but at least gives them the requirements to have a life self-sustained life after the sentence.
This
 essay has made it clear that community service or partaking in job courses is the best way to rehabilitate criminals.
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Task Achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples to support your arguments. Including real-life situations, statistics, or studies could significantly bolster your claim and make your points more compelling.
Task Achievement
A clear thesis statement in the introduction could strengthen your argument. Stating your position explicitly helps the reader understand your perspective from the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'As a result' can help maintain the logical progression of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay maintains a consistent focus on the prompt's topic. Avoid generalizations or diverging too far from the central question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegration
  • Vocational training
  • Incarceration
  • Deterrent
  • Correctional facilities
  • Reformative justice
  • Social reentry
  • Ex-offender
  • Criminal justice system
  • Restorative practices
  • Penal system
  • Social marginalization
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