IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people believe that if the police force carries guns, it will encourage higher levels of violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #police #force #guns #levels #violence #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Now in our days,
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
unfortunately,
show examples
 we have to deal with violence and most of the time
this
 can give us
headache
Add an article
a headache
show examples
 when
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 about to choose and solve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 problem. In my opinion, all police forces should
carries
Change the verb form
carry
show examples
 a
gun
 to protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and themself,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gun
 shops and
gun
 traffic
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to be
stop
Wrong verb form
stopped
show examples
 and forbidden.
Firstly
, we need to support the police force and be
thankfull
Correct your spelling
thankful
 to them.
Carring
Correct your spelling
Carrying
Caring
 a
gun
 as a policeman is very important and very
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 in their missions.
For example
, if a
terourist atack
Correct your spelling
terrorist attack
 has been started, how can be
stoped
Correct your spelling
stopped
show examples
 without guns? I really
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that a
gun
 next to a
policeman
Change noun form
policeman's
show examples
poket
Correct your spelling
pocket
poker
 will never encourage
a
Change the article
an
show examples
h8igher
Correct your spelling
higher
 level of violence in society.
Move
Wrong verb form
Moving
show examples
 forward, as a police force, the implication and the support from people should be only positive, not the opposite. Every single day, they are
riscking
Correct your spelling
risking
 their life and
confrunt
Correct your spelling
confront
 the danger for us, we should always call them to fix the problems, not us. In conclusion, having a
gun
 as a policeman, can not make
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 level of violence higher.
Submitted by atomoiaga46 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, but there are multiple areas where further development and clarity are needed. While you have a conclusion and an introduction, the essay's structure could be clearer, with better paragraph organization around your main points. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to better guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Your response to the task is on topic, but you could enhance your work by providing a more comprehensive exploration of the issue. This includes counterarguments to your position, which can then be refuted to strengthen your argument. Also, specificity in your examples is good, but strive for even more detailed and concrete examples to support your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: