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Band 4

You don’t need a teacher to learn English. All you need are a dictionary and a grammar book. Do you agree with this? If not give reasons. If you agree give reasons

#don’t #teacher #english #dictionary #grammar #book
Whether
children
 should occupy themselves mainly with new
technologies
 is a recurring debate.
This
 writer contends that the disadvantages of succumbing
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 laziness and getting potential
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
, relating to vision outweigh the benefits associated with the education of
childre
Correct your spelling
children
. Impacting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
's habits detrimentally is a disadvantageous aspect of advanced
technologies
.
This
 is because
children
 who are immature often lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
discipline and switch their attention to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
activities containing
entertainement
Correct your spelling
entertainment
.
Although
 modern gadgets
such
 as
mbile
Correct your spelling
mobile
 phones are useful in many
fiel
Correct your spelling
fields
, they are
also
 highly addictive
by
Change preposition
because of
show examples
 having many available games,
hence
,
children
 will easily succumb to them if they are represented regularly. As a
reslt
Correct your spelling
result
,
children
 will spend time playing useless video games through
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
instead
 of enhancing their other aspects of life. The disease relating to eyes
sucg
Correct your spelling
such
 as
shorr-sighted
Correct your spelling
short-sighted
 is another crucial point. It must be acknowledged that modern gadgets highly release electric waves and blue lights which are harmful to
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. Because of that reason, allowing
children
 to interact regularly with
technologies
 will
aso
Correct your spelling
also
 expose them to a harmful source of
lights
Fix the agreement mistake
light
show examples
. Take the general state of
children
 across the world as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example, many of them are wearing glasses despite their young ages, owing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile phones,
ipads
Correct your spelling
pads
 and computers.
Nevertheless
, some caregivers argue that advanced
technologies
 can benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education significantly. They believe that advanced functional
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technologies
 will be helpful in the progress of
teachin
Correct your spelling
teaching
 and
nulturing
Correct your spelling
nurturing
children
.
This
 may be true, but
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the presented reason of
this
 essay
suggesting
Change the form of the verb
suggests
show examples
 that
children
 are not mature and insightful.
Therefore
,
instead
 of leveraging the usage of modern machines,
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 will abuse them and rely on them to hide
the
Change the word
their
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 from
schoo
Correct your spelling
school
, resulting in bad habits and attitudes which are burdens for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
later life. Taking all points into account, the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 connected with educational reasons are outweighed by the drawbacks of succumbing
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
laziness and getting potential diseases relating to vision.
Hence
, enabling
children
 to use the new
technologies
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 will be more harmful than beneficial.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve spelling and punctuation to enhance readability and avoid misunderstandings (e.g., 'mbile' should be 'mobile', 'fiel' should be 'field', 'sucg' should be 'such').
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by clearly segmenting the essay into introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph follows a clear idea, supported by examples or evidence.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing more distinct and relevant examples that directly support your points. Avoid general statements without providing concrete evidence.
Task Achievement
Review the prompt carefully and ensure the essay fully addresses the question asked. Include a balanced discussion and conclusion that directly answers the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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