The personal information of many people is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
There is no doubt that nowadays various
internet
companies held
many personal information of Wrong verb form
hold
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
all around the world.I believe that this
disadvantages far outweigh any potential advantages in spite of two Correct determiner usage
these
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
such
as data
breach and online fraud . In the next paragraph, I will explain the reason of
Change preposition
for
this
in detail.
To begin
with,one of the advantages of this
paces
is to help the companies Fix the agreement mistake
pace
for
their marketing plans and research namely crime analysis , medical research and advertising.Change preposition
with
For example
, during the pandemic of Coronavirus ,the Malaysia
government Replace the word
Malaysian
had
formed an app called Mysejathera for all Unnecessary verb
apply
the
communities to fill Correct article usage
apply
their
personal Change preposition
in their
data
for medical and vaccine purposes.Moreover
,an individual can easily socialize with other
just by creating an account and without Fix the agreement mistake
others
cost
any money.Change the verb form
costing
For instance
, Facebook , Tik-Tok
and Instagram are the most popular social media in Correct your spelling
TikTok
this
era, not just for the younger generations but also
the adults.
In contrast
, data
breach is the most concern to the Add an article
a data
the data
majorities
because all privacy issues have Fix the agreement mistake
majority
being
uploaded on the wetside for one's use . Unfortunately , when the details are Change the form of the verb
been
being
leaked ,Unnecessary verb
apply
this
causes to misuse of personal information and subsequently
internet
fraud.The
Correct article usage
People
people
should be aware of the internet
fruad
that Correct your spelling
fraud
have been
Wrong verb form
has
occured
in many places all around the globe.Correct your spelling
occurred
However
, because of the advancement of the
technologies and the Correct article usage
apply
internet
, the
hackers always find Correct article usage
apply
a
new Correct article usage
apply
way
to hack and scam Fix the agreement mistake
ways
the
societies.Next , a person with Correct article usage
apply
a
leaked Correct article usage
apply
data
online will has
Change the verb form
have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
becoming
a target of Change the verb form
to become
swadling
.Correct your spelling
swaddling
The
Correct article usage
Internet
internet
fraud have
Change the verb form
has
becoming
a big topic that Change the verb form
become
worry
a lot of Change the verb form
worries
people
because this crimes
Change the determiner
this crime
these crimes
were
hardly solved by many countries . Verb problem
has
For example
, in Singapore country, many adults have been
reported that Unnecessary verb
apply
their
have received a call from a company to transfer their money in order to receive double Correct pronoun usage
they
amount
of their money or Correct article usage
the amount
won
a big prize, but after the Wrong verb form
win
transaction
the company Add a comma
transaction,
gone
Verb problem
apply
vanised
.
In conclusion, there is a good reason to keep personal materials for self-efficiency and Correct your spelling
vanishes
data
collection. However
, the negative outcomes are most likely may harm a lot more people
if the data
not being secured properly. In my prepective
, the demerits far outweigh the merits.Correct your spelling
perspective
Submitted by tifjong on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow of your essay. Try to ensure that each paragraph clearly follows from the one before it, using appropriate transition words for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that succinctly present and summarize your argument, respectively. This will help frame your essay and make your position clear from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. While you've provided some examples, incorporating more detailed or varied examples could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses the question. While you've discussed disadvantages in detail, balancing your discussion with more about the advantages or providing a more developed comparison would ensure a more complete response.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and comprehensiveness in presenting your ideas. Be sure each paragraph contains one main idea that is clearly expressed, and expand on this idea as fully as possible.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your views. The examples should closely illustrate the point you are trying to make and be directly relevant to the essay question.
