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Writing Samples
Band 4

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine. For someone to live with a family for 6 months and look after their 6 years old child. Write a letter to the parents. explain why you would like the job give details of why you should be a suitable person to employ say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia Dear sir or Madam,

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #months #years #child #parents #job #person #time #australia #sir #madam
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Dear sir, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my interest in
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 which you have posted in an American magazine. I like to
work
Use synonyms
 as
nanny
Add an article
a nanny
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 because I love
children
Use synonyms
. I always enjoy with them
while
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 playing, feeding food to them or doing their
work
Use synonyms
 with maintaining cleanliness. I think I am
perfect
Add an article
the perfect
a perfect
show examples
 candidate for
this
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 job because I
also
Linking Words
 have experience of 1 year as
Nanny
Correct article usage
a Nanny
show examples
. I can handle
children
Use synonyms
 very well. I
also
Linking Words
 know about what we have to give to
children
Use synonyms
 at
this
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 age or how to keep them safe and entertain them with funny games. In
this
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 way,
children
Use synonyms
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not miss their parents when they are
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
.  I am
international
Add an article
an international
show examples
 student here and I did not have much time to
work
Use synonyms
 for
8
Correct article usage
an 8
show examples
-
10 hours
Correct your spelling
10-hour
 shift as I am
also
Linking Words
 going to
college
Use synonyms
 for my studies. Currently, I am living in Brampton and my
college
Use synonyms
 is in Toronto so that's why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am moving to Toronto. From there, it will be easier for me to go
Use synonyms
college
Change preposition
to college
show examples
 on time. I was
also
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 working as Nanny in my
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
, so, I have
experience
Change the verb form
experienced
show examples
 too. I have my
college
Use synonyms
 in
day
Add an article
the day
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 time and as you already told me that you are working
night
Correct article usage
the night
show examples
 shift. So, I will look after your
children
Use synonyms
 when you are not home.
This
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 looks good for both of us. If you need,
then
Linking Words
 I will
also
Linking Words
 provide
reference
Correct article usage
a reference
show examples
 letter from my previous owner. I am excited to
hearing
Change the verb
hear
show examples
 back from you. Thank you. Your's sincerely, Mohit
Submitted by Kamaljeetkaur6968 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your thoughts more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or aspect of your application. This will help improve the logical flow of your letter.
coherence cohesion
The greeting should be formal when addressing unknown individuals in this context. Use 'Dear Sir/Madam,' to maintain a proper and respectful tone.
task achievement
Ensure that you address all the points mentioned in the task effectively. Explicitly mention your enthusiasm for the opportunity, your qualifications, and how you plan to spend your free time in Australia in distinct sections of your letter.
task achievement
Although your tone is generally suitable, be cautious about being too informal in such applications. Maintain a balance between showing enthusiasm and professionalism.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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