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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010.

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The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010.
The bar chat illuustrates proportion of males and females over A five-year period from 1980 to 2010. From the graph, it is clear
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 number of overweight
women’s
Verb problem
women is
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 lower than
men
Correct pronoun usage
that of men
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data
Check wording
apply
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.
While
Linking Words
 the
women
Check wording
number of women
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fighers
Correct your spelling
fighters
 increased
gradualy
Correct your spelling
gradually
 over the period. In terms of
japan
Fix capitalization
Japan
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 data,
overweight tood at
Correct word order
the rate of overweight increased slowly from 40% in
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 1980 climb slow from 40% to 65% at 2000
there
Punctuation problem
. There
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 was a slow increase by 25%, decline at
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
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 amout 5% from 65% to 60%. Regarding
female’s
Check wording
female
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 figures,
overweight a quick rise
Correct word order
the rate of overweight rose quickly
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 from approximately 30% in 1980 to 50% 2010. There was a considerable go up over the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slow" was used 2 times.
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