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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010.

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The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010.
The given bar graph describes the proportion of obese men and
women
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 over the
period
Use synonyms
 of thirty years
between
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of overweight people in
Australia
Use synonyms
 increased for both men and
women
Use synonyms
 from 1980 to 2010. Men had higher rates than
women
Use synonyms
 throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. In terms of the changes overheavy of
males
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
, there was a significant increase
how much
Change preposition
in the amount of
show examples
 weight of
males
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
over
show examples
 20 years.
However
Linking Words
, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
males
Use synonyms
 overweight
stood at decreasing
Verb problem
decreased
show examples
 slightly from 2000 to 2010. Regarding
women
Use synonyms
’s data, the ratio of
overheavy of
Replace the word
overweight
 females in
Australia
Use synonyms
 rose quickly during the
period
Use synonyms
 between 1980 and 2000.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
males
Use synonyms
,
weight
Correct article usage
the weight
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
kept
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 unchanged throughout a
period
Use synonyms
 of 10 years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, australia, period, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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