IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010.

The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010.
The shown bar graph describes the percentage of overweight Australian
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 over a period of 40 years between 1980 and 2010. As the graph shows, the number of overweight
men
Use synonyms
 was higher than
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
women
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the figure for
women
Use synonyms
 increased gradually over the period. Looking at the picture more closely, one can see that the data for
men
Use synonyms
 stood at 40% in 1980. During the period from 1980 to 2000, there was a gradual increase in the overweight Australian
men
Use synonyms
 from 40% to over 60%,
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 data fell slightly from approximately 65% to over 60% in the following year. The overweight Australian
women
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stood at over 30% in 1980.
Then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 data increased gradually between 1980 and 2000,
then
Linking Words
unchanged
Verb problem
remained unchanged
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 over 50%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: