IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for your advice on whether to go to college or try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In my letter: •Say why he/she will not enjoy going to college •Explain why getting a job is a good idea •Suggest the type of job that would be suitable

#friend #advice #college #job #•say #•explain #idea #•suggest #type
Dear Gulsanam I
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 your letter. I am fine and I hope you doing great. Nice to hear from you after
such
 a long time. I appreciate that you are asking my opinion on deciding whether going to college is best for you or getting a job and I am writing to tell you why. First of
all
Add a comma
all,
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 we have known each other since we were 9 years old. I know your character and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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. You don't need to spend your time
to
Change preposition
in
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 college. The best way to achieve your dreams is to get a job. I know you well you are an active girl. You can not just sit in theoretical classes take notes memorize them and pass exams. You like to experience them actively and freely.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 you just told me that you want to leave your
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
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 house and live a life that you want in freedom. So it is the best time to work and profit. The
last
 thing I think you should work in music. Because since I
known
Add the auxiliary verb
knew
have known
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 you had a talent for singing. You're voice is
angel
Add an article
an angel
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. Whenever
music
Correct article usage
the music
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 lesson started you sang more than two
music's
Change noun form
songs
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 it made me happy, when I heard you're voice tones. That's why you should teach singing to students who are interested in singing songs,
while
also
 having a part-time job as a singer in restaurants or bars. I hope my suggestion
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 help you decide what is best for you. Yours sincerely Pokiza
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your argument is clearly structured, dividing it into paragraphs that each discuss a single aspect of your advice. Transition sentences can improve the flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are appropriately formal which is good. However, try to use a consistent formal tone throughout the letter for better effect.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task effectively. Include more specific advice and examples to support your points, ensuring a complete response to your friend's query.
task achievement
Adopt a formal tone suitable for a letter. Avoid overly casual language and ensure your advice feels professional and thoughtful.
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