Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children's development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed by some people that it is
more
healthier to do outdoor Change the word
apply
activities
than indoor activities
. I totally agree with them and I explain why it is so essential to do this
for children
.
First of all, outdoor activities
have many advantages for both physical and mental health. The beneficial effects of this
Correct determiner usage
these
activities
help circulation and often affecting
certain parts of the body, Wrong verb form
affect
such
as heart disease. For instance
, with doing activities
like running, jumping and a leisurety
stroll, it would be less likely Correct your spelling
leisurely
ti
gain weight.
Correct your spelling
to
In other words
, when children
do this
every day like jumping and running, to name a few, that
their Correct word choice
apply
life
change in a good way.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Additionally
, open-air activities
help to improve mental well-being as well. All of these entertainments require groups of people. Thus
, encourages being
social Unnecessary verb
apply
life
and finding friends in real life
, Cuz, being alone is
lowers the risk of mental illnesses. Especially, indoor games Unnecessary verb
apply
such
as digital screen life
, that
is so poor Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
and a dead place for me. When children
have spent time too much time online and have lost touch with reality. They should have touch
grass from my point of view. If Replace the word
touched
children
continued
for a long period of time, Wrong verb form
continue
the
Correct your spelling
they
children
end up isolated, addicted with
social Change preposition
to
life
and get some Correct your spelling
psychological
pyschological
issues.
In conclusion, it is extremely advantageous to inspire the new Correct your spelling
psychological
generate
to spend most of their Replace the word
generation
tiny
playing outdoor games rather than sitting in front of their screens and playing games.Correct your spelling
time
Submitted by omondavlat91 on
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Introduction
Your essay should start with a clear introduction stating your viewpoint. Avoid general statements and directly address the essay question.
Introduction
Include a thesis statement at the end of your introduction to clearly outline the main points you will discuss.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use paragraphing to organize your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic. Connect your ideas using cohesive devices like conjunctions, pronouns, or synonyms.
Body Paragraphs
In the body paragraphs, support your arguments with specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.
Tone
Avoid informal language and short forms (e.g., 'Cuz', 'ti'). Maintain a formal tone throughout your essay.
Grammar
Work on your grammar and sentence structures to improve clarity. Avoid long sentences that are difficult to follow, and check your essay for grammatical errors.
Conclusion
End with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position. Make sure your conclusion is clearly differentiated from the rest of your essay.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the question. Also, try to cover a wider range of ideas related to the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, logically organize your ideas, and smoothly transition between them. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
Proofreading
Proofread your essay to correct any spelling or punctuation errors, and to ensure that your ideas are clearly expressed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.