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Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
In today's modern world,
education
 is the most essential factor of our human life. Some
University
students
 want to learn about different
subjects
besides
 their main subject.
While
 others argue that it is more important to give all their time to Studying a higher
education
. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss both these views and my personal opinion about them. On the one hand, there are several
universities
 in the world, and each
university
 has a different teaching criteria. Some of the
university
's
education
 system has been already fixed.
Thus
, they do not allow pupils to learn new
subjects
 other than main
subjects
.
For instance
, the
University
 of California can permit the teachers to allow newcomers to learn new
subjects
such
 as art and music that might have an impact on
students
's academic qualifications. And there are some possibilities to reduce the
university
's results.
As a result
, the effects of these changes may affect teacher's
as well as
 student's futures.
On the other hand
, I believe that
universities
 should allow
students
 to learn other
subjects
. Because some
students
 want to grow their passion.
For example
, some teenagers love to sing music and dancing so,
teachers
Correct word choice
so teachers
show examples
 should encourage those
students
 and support them in developing their careers. In conclusion, it depends upon the
universities
 that already made a good
education
 system, but
Universities
 should allow pupils to learn something new. It is not true that
students
 give their
all-time
Correct your spelling
all time
show examples
 to studying for a qualification.
Submitted by prajaktavibhute898 on

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task achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and clearly states your position. While the introduction attempts to outline the essay, it could be more concise and directly state your thesis.
task achievement
Develop your body paragraphs with clear, comprehensive ideas supported by specific examples. The essay would benefit from more detailed examples and an explanation of how these examples support your main points.
task achievement
Work on presenting a more balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion. The essay leans towards one side without fully exploring the counterargument.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together. While some attempt has been made, there's room for smoother transitions and clearer connections between points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical structure by introducing your main points in the introduction, discussing each point in its paragraph in the body, and summarizing these points in the conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: