IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

3. Some people say that the best way to reduce traffic and pollution is the government to increase tax of petrol (gasoline). Do you think there are more benefits or more drawbacks?

#people #traffic #pollution #government #tax #petrol #gasoline
Pollution
 has become one of the main problems in the whole world. There are many things that affect
pollution
,
such
 as
traffic
.
Traffic
 and
pollution
 are connected to each other, the more
traffic
 the more
pollution
. Many people believe that increasing the
tax
 on petrol or
gasoline
 is the best way to decrease the amount of
traffic
 and
pollution
 rate. The increasing
tax
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
patrol
Correct your spelling
petrol
show examples
 or
gasoline
 brings
positif
Correct your spelling
positive
 and
negatif
Correct your spelling
negative
 effects at the same time.
Patrol
 or
gasoline
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 one of the
transportation
 main
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
. It is the energy source of
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
. Transportations are used for many purposes, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example for deliveries. If
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
gasoline
 increases, the cost of the deliveries is going to increase
also
. It means that the increasing of the cost will happen to the stuff which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 carried by deliveries as well. The stuff that I mean like rice, vegetables, fruits,
textile
Fix the agreement mistake
textiles
show examples
, oil,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
et cetera. The impact will
so
Add a missing verb
be so
show examples
 big.
In contrast
, the increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tax
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
patrol
Correct your spelling
petrol
show examples
 or
gasoline
 has benefits as well. It can reduce the number of
transportation
. People will choose to use public
transportation
instead
 of private
transportation
 because the cost will be cheaper. The less
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
private
transportation
 the less
pollution
, which is good for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less of using private
transportation
 can increase the possibility of physical activity of a person. For
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, they will go to a stop on foot to catch a bus.
To sum up
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would suggest that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can choose to increase the
patrol's
Change noun form
patrol
show examples
tax
 to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
 and
traffic
.
However
, there are a lot of things that need to be
concerned
Verb problem
considered
show examples
 especially for
controling
Correct your spelling
controlling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task, presenting both benefits and drawbacks of increasing petrol tax. However, you could improve by exploring the arguments in more depth and presenting more specific examples that clearly illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer logical structure and transitions between paragraphs. Improve coherence by making sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, and use linking phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed. The introduction should more clearly state your position on the issue, and the conclusion should summarise your arguments more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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