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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The pie charts show five different types of foreign language classes that are taken by workers of an export company, and five different causes for learning different languages.

The pie charts show five different types of foreign language classes that are taken by workers of an export company, and five different causes for learning different languages.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the major kind of training were
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
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 and the main reason for learning a new language was holiday travel which was not in relation to their job purposes.
According to
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 the types of foreign classes pie chart, over one-third of employees(38%) preferred
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 courses in the evening, and 23% of all employees
choses
Correct your spelling
chose
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 courses when they were
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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work.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
self- tuition
Correct your spelling
self-tuition
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 courses attracted 22% of them. Regarding reasons for learning a foreign language, about
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of employees` purpose for learning a foreign language was holiday travel.
Also
Linking Words
, business travel, meeting people, and communicating with overseas clients made up 18%,13% and 10%, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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