IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some says that music, art and drama are important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#music #art #drama #school #subjects #level
To begin
, I agree that
music
, art, and
drama
 are as important as other school
subjects
, especially at the primary level. Here are a few reasons development these
subjects
 contribute to the holistic development of students. They foster creativity, imagination, and emotional intelligence.
However
, cognitive skills studies have shown that exposure to
music
 and arts can enhance cognitive abilities, improve memory, and boost concentration.
In addition
, communication Skills
drama
 and role-playing activities can significantly improve communication skills and build confidence. Cultural Awareness
music
, art, and
drama
 often reflect cultural contexts, helping students appreciate diverse cultures and perspectives. Stress Relief engaging in creative activities can provide a form of stress relief and promote mental well-being.
While
 core
subjects
 like math and science are crucial for cognitive development and practical knowledge,
music
, art, and
drama
 play an equally important role in shaping well-rounded individuals.
Therefore
, a balanced curriculum that includes all these
subjects
 can be highly beneficial for students.
Submitted by psingh8059 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Start by clearly stating your position in the introduction for a stronger impact and end with a concise summary in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
Task Achievement
Enhancing task response can be achieved by providing distinct examples from real life or studies to support your points, making the argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea. Use linking words effectively to ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs and within them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhance
  • creativity
  • self-expression
  • balanced education
  • cognitive skills
  • academic performance
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • emotional intelligence
  • empathy
  • cultural expression
  • appreciation
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: