IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

the literacy rates for different gender and age groups in Cambodia. The data was generated in the year 2004.

#literacy #rates #gender #age #groups #cambodia #data #year
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The
table
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 above explains
about
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apply
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the
literacy
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 rates for different gender and
age
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 groups in Cambodia. The data was generated in the year 2004. The main features of the
table
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are showing
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show
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 the comparison between
male
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males
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,
female
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females
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, and
both
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sexes
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 in 10
years
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10-year
 gap. The
table
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provides
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shows
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 the fact that Cambodia's
women
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that
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who
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 can read were falling behind the
men
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 and
both
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sexes
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category
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.
According to
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 the
table
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, for the
age
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group
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 25-34, the
literacy
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 rate for
men
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 concurred at 84.3%, followed by
both
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sexes
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category
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 at 80.5% and 76.6%
made
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making
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women
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’s ranked
last
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. For the
age
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group
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 35 - 44,
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men
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the men
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category
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 remained
as
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apply
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the highest at 71.1% and slightly behind it was
both
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sexes
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category
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 at 70.8%,
whereas
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 for
women
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, the
literacy
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 rate lost the upper hand at 60.8%. Taking a closer look at the
age
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group
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 of 45 – 54 and above 65,
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men
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the men
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category
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 maintained its place as the highest in terms of
literacy
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 rates at 80.1% and 62.8%, respectively.
Both
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sexes
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 took the second just gently behind at 79.7% for the
age
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group
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 45 – 54, whilst
for
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, for
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 the
age
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group
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 above 65,
both
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sexes
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 had
a
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apply
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half of the first place portion just at 33.3%.
Women
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 stood at the
last
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 place in
both
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age
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group
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groups
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 at 60.4% and 12.4%, each. Thenceforth,
both
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sexes
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 won at 82.3% for the
age
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group
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 of 55 – 64, continued by
men
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 at 80.6%, and the
last
Linking Words
 was
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women
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the women
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category
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,
accounted
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accounting
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at
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for
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 only 40.4% in total.
Submitted by myra.wirawan on

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structure
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for setting the context and summarizing the main points. Make sure to include these elements to provide a complete response. Start with an introductory sentence that outlines what the table shows and conclude with a summary of the key insights.
coherence
Your essay would benefit from better organization and clearer logical structure. Ideas should flow logically from one to the next. Use paragraphs effectively; each should focus on a specific aspect of the data. Employ transition words (e.g., 'however', 'moreover', 'in contrast') to help guide the reader through your analysis.
content
While you provide some details from the table, focusing more on specific examples and explaining what these examples illustrate will enhance your essay. Compare and contrast the different gender and age groups more explicitly to make your analysis more comprehensive and insightful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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