IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

the literacy rates for different gender and age groups in Cambodia. The data was generated in the year 2004.

#literacy #rates #gender #age #groups #cambodia #data #year
The
table
 above explains
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
literacy
 rates for different gender and
age
 groups in Cambodia. The data was generated in the year 2004. The main features of the
table
are showing
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 the comparison between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, and
both
sexes
 in 10
years
Correct your spelling
10-year
 gap. The
table
provides
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 the fact that Cambodia's
women
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can read were falling behind the
men
 and
both
sexes
category
.
According to
 the
table
, for the
age
group
 25-34, the
literacy
 rate for
men
 concurred at 84.3%, followed by
both
sexes
category
 at 80.5% and 76.6%
made
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
women
’s ranked
last
. For the
age
group
 35 - 44,
men
Correct article usage
the men
show examples
category
 remained
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the highest at 71.1% and slightly behind it was
both
sexes
category
 at 70.8%,
whereas
 for
women
, the
literacy
 rate lost the upper hand at 60.8%. Taking a closer look at the
age
group
 of 45 – 54 and above 65,
men
Correct article usage
the men
show examples
category
 maintained its place as the highest in terms of
literacy
 rates at 80.1% and 62.8%, respectively.
Both
sexes
 took the second just gently behind at 79.7% for the
age
group
 45 – 54, whilst
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 the
age
group
 above 65,
both
sexes
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the first place portion just at 33.3%.
Women
 stood at the
last
 place in
both
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 at 60.4% and 12.4%, each. Thenceforth,
both
sexes
 won at 82.3% for the
age
group
 of 55 – 64, continued by
men
 at 80.6%, and the
last
 was
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
category
,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 only 40.4% in total.
Submitted by myra.wirawan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for setting the context and summarizing the main points. Make sure to include these elements to provide a complete response. Start with an introductory sentence that outlines what the table shows and conclude with a summary of the key insights.
coherence
Your essay would benefit from better organization and clearer logical structure. Ideas should flow logically from one to the next. Use paragraphs effectively; each should focus on a specific aspect of the data. Employ transition words (e.g., 'however', 'moreover', 'in contrast') to help guide the reader through your analysis.
content
While you provide some details from the table, focusing more on specific examples and explaining what these examples illustrate will enhance your essay. Compare and contrast the different gender and age groups more explicitly to make your analysis more comprehensive and insightful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!