IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You have just started a course in a college which have no sports facilities of its own. Write a letter to the manager of the nearest private sports club. In your letter *introduce yourself *say why you are interested in this sports club *ask some question about the club e.g., facilities, members, cost

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to seek your permission to commence a course
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 your
sports
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
, since my college
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 of its own. I am Ashurov Sardor who is one of the
fan
Change to a plural noun
fans
show examples
. I am studying in a college which is
nearly
Change the word
near
show examples
 your
sports
Use synonyms
 centre. Nowadays I am looking for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
club
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 my college which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 of
sports
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I decided to join your society.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 I am definitely keen on
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
 and I could not
await
Correct your spelling
wait
show examples
 to start a course in
this
Linking Words
club
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because the quality of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
your
facilities
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
expedite
Correct word choice
excellent
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 the room of the
club
Use synonyms
 is very spotless. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
club
Use synonyms
 is better than mine. I would attach
this
Linking Words
club
Use synonyms
 if I had a chance.
Finally
Linking Words
, I would like to kindly request regarding
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
, members, and
facilities
Use synonyms
 of your
club
Use synonyms
. I would be grateful if you could ask my question. You could send the information to my email. Alternatively, you can contact me on my mobile phone number which is: 939078980. I look forward to hearing from you.
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
Your
Correct your spelling
Yours
show examples
 faithfully, Ashurov Sardor.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Ensure the letter has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion to improve its logical structure. While the general structure is present, refining the introduction to more clearly state the purpose of the letter and organizing the body paragraphs by topic can enhance readability.
single idea per paragraph
Use paragraphs to separate different ideas or points clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a single aspect, such as introducing yourself in one, explaining your interest in another, and asking questions in a third. This will help maintain a single idea per paragraph and improve coherence.
greeting and closing
Begin your letter with a specific greeting, such as "Dear [Manager's Name]," if you know the name, or keep the existing generic greeting if not. Make sure to end your letter with a polite closing, such as "Yours sincerely," followed by your full name. The closing used is correct but ensure consistency in formality throughout the letter.
complete response
To fully achieve the task, make sure to address all the bullet points presented in the task efficiently. While you have covered the points, providing more detailed information about why you are interested in the sports club and asking more specific questions could enhance your task achievement score.
suitable writing tone
Maintain a formal but engaging tone throughout the letter. Avoid overly casual phrases and check for grammatical errors to ensure your writing is suitable for a formal letter. Also, clarify your intentions and requests to make your interest and inquiries clear to the reader.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: