Some employers offer their employees subsidized memberships of gyms and sport clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work, other employers see no benefit in doing so. Discuss both views and present your opinion.
In some companies, managers think they have to create some clubs or gyms for their employees and could help healthy
staff
to reach the aim of the company and employees more than work. on the other hand
, in science
of Add an article
the science
managing
some argue Replace the word
management
about
it is not a good idea and it can help to raise Change preposition
that
of
make goods.Correct your spelling
or
in
Capitalize word
In
this
essay i
try to discuss two ideas and Change the capitalization
I
the
end Change preposition
at the
i
speak about my idea.
Change the capitalization
I
firstly
, when you haveAdd an article
a
staff
. you shouldn't
have a good insecurity, and you save more money. so your staff
don't
go to rest although
your staff
need to have time for go to gym
Add an article
the gym
but
it's not anxious.Remove the conjunction
apply
secondly
nowadays I see the generation has changed and people like to play sport or be athletes because many people are advertising Add a comma
secondly,
this
issue that helps bosses to control the freetimes
of their Correct your spelling
free times
free time
staff
.specially in new companies that need invite
people to produce new goods .scientists explored Fix the infinitive
to invite
about
Change preposition
apply
Add an article
the affect
affect
of sport to work brain and it's very good.
opposite idea , it Replace the word
effect
focuse
to if workout can'Correct your spelling
focuses
focus
t
help to raise of products so we don't
need to do.They said I can invest to
Change preposition
in
another models
.Replace the adjective
another model
other models
for example
they will be able to reserve hotel
for their Add an article
a hotel
the hotel
staff
and they can use for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
rest
.though Correct article usage
the rest
It's
Verb problem
it
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
staff
to connect to their family.inaddition
,Correct your spelling
In addition
boss
can get more Add an article
the boss
a boss
salariess
to Correct your spelling
salaries
staff
for
Change preposition
to
help
them.if Change the verb form
helping
boss
can increase Add an article
the boss
produces
actually they can get more money.
in conclusion ,I think Replace the word
production
staff
important part of a factory and managers must help them to get the best end up. If they increase sport
area they will Change the noun form
sports
can
bound some Remove a modal verb
apply
problem
of Fix the agreement mistake
problems
staff
and don't
need to use another
thing Correct quantifier usage
other
to
their company.I Change preposition
for
thing
Correct your spelling
think
Correct article usage
a sportman
sportman
better than Correct your spelling
sportsman
sportsmen
inactive
man.Correct article usage
an inactive
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Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on structuring your essay clearly. Start with an introduction that clearly states the topic and your opinion, followed by paragraphs each discussing one view, and conclude with your opinion summarizing the discussed views.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points more fully with specific examples and explanations. Currently, the essay lacks clear examples and detailed explanations that support the opinion or views being discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphs to organize your ideas more clearly. Each main idea should be in its own paragraph, with a clear topic sentence and supporting sentences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of grammar and spelling. Errors can make your essay difficult to understand and distract from your argument.
Task Achievement
For improved task achievement, ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. Include a discussion of both views as well as a clear statement of your own opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.