IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents believe that their children their children should do extra curricular activities after shcool. Others say in this was, children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #children #activities #shcool #was #pressure
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Although
 some are of the opinion that
students
 ought to participate in extracurricular
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 after school hours ,others believe that
such
activities
 can lead to additional pressure .In my opinion, I consider that extracurricular
activities
 make
students
 feel stressed. On the one hand,
children
 should do extracurricular
activities
 after school because , unlike extracurricular
activities
, academic subjects, do not teach
students
 social skills and teamwork. Socializing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will play an important role in future when
children
 enter society.
Moreover
, extracurricular
activities
,
such
 as sports, can be beneficial for
students
. More exercise is good for
children
’s both physical and mental health.
For example
,
students
 do not have time to do exercise at school, but they can do it at extracurricular
activities
.
On the other hand
 , it is
also
 believed that in
this
 way
children
 are under pressure. One
reasons
Change to a singular noun
reason
show examples
 is that
students
 ought to be allowed to choose their own extra
activities
. The
children
 may not like the
activities
 that the parents have arranged, and they would prefer to choose
an extracurricular
Correct the article-noun agreement
extracurricular activities
an extracurricular activity
show examples
activities
 that they like.
Furthermore
, some
students
 are already overloaded with homework. Adding extracurricular
activities
 will only become a burden to them.
Also
 adding pressure to
students
 is not healthy for them. Proper rest is very important for
students
.
To sum up
 ,
while
 people have a different view in their opinions, what I reckon is that
students
 should not have so many extracurricular
activities
, and they ought to have more rest.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
Improve the specificity and diversity of your examples. While you mention the benefits of extracurricular activities, more concrete examples or personal anecdotes could help illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Work on your essay's logical flow by linking ideas more explicitly between paragraphs. Using transitional phrases can help readers follow the progression of your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, aim to more clearly state your thesis and summarize your main points. This ensures that readers are fully aware of your stance from the beginning and are reminded of it at the end.
task achievement
Offer counterarguments to the view you disagree with in a more detailed manner. This strengthens your argument by showing you have considered multiple perspectives before concluding.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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