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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graphs demonstrate the information regarding the number of
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who did not
work
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full-time after their study in 2008. In general, the most
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 reason is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
further
Linking Words
 study of
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 in all
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 mentioned,
while
Linking Words
 voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 is the least popular. Another interesting point is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 part-time
students
Use synonyms
 became the second highest-rank for both of graduates. As
regard
Change the form of the verb
regards
show examples
further
Linking Words
 study, both
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 reach around 29,665 and 2,725 respectively being the most popular reason for
students
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 who did not
work
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 in
full-time
Add an article
a full-time
show examples
 job.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
voluntary
Change preposition
in voluntary
show examples
work
Use synonyms
, the turnout
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
, which accounts for 3,500 people,
drawft
Correct your spelling
drew
 the postgraduate
students
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 that were only 345.
Regarding
Correct word choice
The
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time employees were ranked as the second
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
, with more famous
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
graduate
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who take
this
Linking Words
 job
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 17,735
students
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 and post
graduate
Use synonyms
 at 2,535 people.
However
Linking Words
, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment,
graduate
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 and
post
Correct your spelling
postgraduate
show examples
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 were at 16,235 and 1,625 respectively.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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