Some believe that violent computer games are just a for of entertainment while others think that they lead directly to violent behaviour. Discuss both views and give you opinion.

#believe #computer #games #entertainment #behaviour

Some argue that the purpose of

video

games

that

contains

Change the verb form

contain

show examples

violence is to entertain,

while

others argue that it can lead to aggressive

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

Although

there is a chance for children to become aggressive if they play violent

video

games

without guidance from parents, I believe that it helps more in relieving stress than initiating violent activity. On the one hand, some argue that online gaming can lead to aggressiveness.

This

is especially applicable to children who play it without supervision from their parents. There is a chance that they

with

Correct your spelling

will

show examples

get desentisized with violence and they will think that it is okay and normal to do the same.

For example

, one study showed that kids who played violent

video

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

more cranky after their computer was suddenly shut down.

However

, I believe that if their guardians

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

explain to them properly that there will be consequences if they imitate

such

activity, there is a low chance that these kids will become violent.

On the other hand

video

games

can be a good way to relieve stress. After long hours from work or school, spending

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

hours playing it with family and friends can be a good way of leisure time. It can help the mind relax and release the tension of the day.

For instance

games

like PUBG

requires

Correct subject-verb agreement

require

show examples

playing with a group of people in order to defeat

other team

Change the wording

another team

other teams

show examples

. Playing it with friends and interacting with them, can help the player forget his stressful day. In conclusion, I believe that

video

games

Change the verb form

are

show examples

a good stress reliever for people and

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can only lead to aggressive

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

if children

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

play

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

without supervision.

Submitted by yoko.onerom on Thu Mar 07 2024

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task achievement

To improve in Task Response, take the time to develop your arguments more fully. Making sure to have a more balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion can make your essay stronger. Also, directly link your opinion to the arguments made for a clearer stance.

coherence cohesion

For better Coherence and Cohesion, focus on linking sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Utilize a variety of linking words and phrases beyond 'on the one hand/on the other hand.' Also, ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs will strengthen your essay structure.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some believe that violent computer games are just a for of entertainment while others think that they lead directly to violent behaviour. Discuss both views and give you opinion.

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Some people think that individuals are born to be leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Is this a positive or a negative development?