IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

the grap below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK summerise the informatio by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons were relavant.

#grap #percentage #terms #patterns #access #technology #homes #uk #summerise #informatio #features #comparisons #relavant
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The given line graph illustrates the variation
of
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in
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 domestic access to
cd
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CD
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 players, mobile phones,
home
 computers and
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the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 in
uk
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UK
 homes in percentage terms from 1996 to 2003.
Overall
,
althogh
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although
 CD players were the highest
home
acessed
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access
 modern device
through out
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throughout
show examples
 the given period , mobile phones recorded the greatest increase in
home
 access during the same
tme
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time
. Other than that internet access had been appeared later in the UK domestic market ,
by
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apply
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 compared to the other three devices. In detail, in
the
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apply
show examples
1996/97
cd
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CD
show examples
 players were the highest accessed modern device for domestic usage in
UK
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the UK
show examples
 with posted 60% valve, and it
had risen
Wrong verb form
rose
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 gradually to record a valve slightly above 80% in 2002/03.
Similarly
,
home
 computers were recorded near 30% in 1996/97 and just above 50% in 2002/03 following the same trend , internet
acess
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access
also
 followed the same pattern but it was commenced in 1998/99.
On the contrary
, Mobile phones had been
their
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there
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 in the domestic market
just
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at just
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 below 20% in 1996/97 and it increased noticeably
untill
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until
 1998/99 ,and
therafter
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thereafter
, it climbed up significantly to approximately 45% ,and had risen slightly to achieve a valve just below 50% in 2000/01.
Afterward
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Afterwards
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, during the first half of
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the next
show examples
next
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the next
show examples
 two
years
Add a comma
years,
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 it
had gone
Wrong verb form
went
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 up remarkably and
then
 slowly
to
Verb problem
apply
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achive
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achieve
 the highest
persentage
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percentage
 difference of nearly 50% during the total period.
Submitted by dinaka0001 on

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General
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and typos.
Coherence & Cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by supporting details. For an even stronger structure, consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
Task Achievement
In your introduction, briefly mention the types of technology included in the graph. This helps to prepare the reader for what follows.
Task Achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'saw a marked increase' instead of 'climbed up significantly'. This not only makes your essay more engaging but also demonstrates your language proficiency.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to include an explicit conclusion that summarizes the main trends shown in the graph. This rounds off your essay nicely and makes it feel complete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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