IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You are applying to get admitted to an educational programme at a university abroad. Specify what you want to study and write a motivation letter, including the following points- •What attracted you to this particular programme, reason for wanting to study- your motivations and ambitions •How your current study is relevant and what your academic achievements are •Why you are suitable- extracurricular activities, hobbies and other experience related to your choice of programme.

#programme #university #study #motivation #points- #•what #reason #study- #motivations #ambitions #•how #achievements #•why #suitable- #activities #hobbies #choice
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Dear
sir
Capitalize word
Sir
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, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to apply
in
Change preposition
for
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 a
Business
Use synonyms
 Management
course
Use synonyms
 in Australia. I am so happy
for joining
Change preposition
to join
show examples
this
Linking Words
course
Use synonyms
 because I want to start my own
business
Use synonyms
 in future and I want to gain more
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about it. I have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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 in
business
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 and I love to study different strategies of
business
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 or create new ideas in
business
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. One of my
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
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motivate
Wrong verb form
motivated
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 me to study abroad because they provide vast
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
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 field and they
also
Linking Words
 organize practical sessions in which we have to work as
intern
Fix the agreement mistake
interns
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 in companies which helps us to gain more
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and experience which helps in increasing our confidence level. Even, my current study is
also
Linking Words
 related to
this
Linking Words
course
Use synonyms
 as I am doing
bachelor
Correct article usage
a bachelor
show examples
 of commerce which includes
complete
Add an article
the complete
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knowledge
Use synonyms
 of
business
Use synonyms
, economics, accounting
or
Correct word choice
and
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 management activities. In
this
Linking Words
course
Use synonyms
, I am
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 scholar in my college with 95% marks
along with
Linking Words
 extracurricular activities
such
Linking Words
 as games, National
service
Capitalize word
Service
show examples
 Scheme,
international
Correct word choice
and international
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 quizzes. My hobbies are exploring new
business
Use synonyms
 ideas and
read
Wrong verb form
reading
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 books
of
Change preposition
about
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top class
Add a hyphen
top-class
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businessmen's
Change noun form
businessmen
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 in the world, innovative in my tasks. I
also
Linking Words
 have a experience as manager in ABC Ltd. Company which will be
asset
Add an article
an asset
show examples
 for me in future. Thank you Your's sincerely Rohit
Submitted by Kamaljeetkaur6968 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of your application, structuring them to separately address the programme's appeal, your academic background, and your extracurricular experiences.
coherence cohesion
While the overall structure of the letter is good, transitioning between ideas could be smoother. Use connecting phrases like 'furthermore', 'in addition to', and 'consequently' to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
Expand on your motivations and ambitions with specific examples that demonstrate your interest and commitment to business management.
task achievement
Your academic achievements and extracurricular activities are mentioned but not detailed. Illustrate these with specific achievements, awards, or recognitions to strengthen your application.
task achievement
Consider adopting a more formal tone in places, avoiding informal language ('I am so happy for joining this course') for a more academic or professional tone that better fits the purpose of a motivation letter.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are suitable, but ensure the entire letter maintains a professional tone. Refrain from using contractions ('I am' instead of 'I'm', 'It is' instead of 'It's') throughout for consistency and formality.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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