IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You are applying to get admitted to an educational programme at a university abroad. Specify what you want to study and write a motivation letter, including the following points- •What attracted you to this particular programme, reason for wanting to study- your motivations and ambitions •How your current study is relevant and what your academic achievements are •Why you are suitable- extracurricular activities, hobbies and other experience related to your choice of programme.

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Dear
sir
Capitalize word
Sir

The word sir should be capitalized in this context.

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, I am writing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 letter to apply
in
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 a
Business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 Management
course
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in Australia. I am so happy
for joining
Change preposition
to join

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
course
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 because I want to start my own
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in future and I want to gain more
knowledge
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 about it. I have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 in
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and I love to study different strategies of
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 or create new ideas in
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. One of my
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends

The singular countable noun friend follows the quantifier One of, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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motivate
Wrong verb form
motivated

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb motivate. Consider changing it.

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 me to study abroad because they provide vast
knowledge
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of
particular
Correct article usage
a particular

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 field and they
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 organize practical sessions in which we have to work as
intern
Fix the agreement mistake
interns

It seems that intern may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 in companies which helps us to gain more
knowledge
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and experience which helps in increasing our confidence level. Even, my current study is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 related to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
course
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 as I am doing
bachelor
Correct article usage
a bachelor

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 of commerce which includes
complete
Add an article
the complete

The noun phrase complete knowledge seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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knowledge
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, economics, accounting
or
Correct word choice
and

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 management activities. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
course
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, I am
only
Correct article usage
the only

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 scholar in my college with 95% marks
along with
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 extracurricular activities
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as games, National
service
Capitalize word
Service

The word service should be capitalized in this context.

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 Scheme,
international
Correct word choice
and international

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 quizzes. My hobbies are exploring new
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 ideas and
read
Wrong verb form
reading

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb read. Consider changing it.

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 books
of
Change preposition
about

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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top class
Add a hyphen
top-class

It seems that top class is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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businessmen's
Change noun form
businessmen

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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 in the world, innovative in my tasks. I
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 have a experience as manager in ABC Ltd. Company which will be
asset
Add an article
an asset

The noun phrase asset seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 for me in future. Thank you Your's sincerely Rohit

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of your application, structuring them to separately address the programme's appeal, your academic background, and your extracurricular experiences.
coherence cohesion
While the overall structure of the letter is good, transitioning between ideas could be smoother. Use connecting phrases like 'furthermore', 'in addition to', and 'consequently' to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
Expand on your motivations and ambitions with specific examples that demonstrate your interest and commitment to business management.
task achievement
Your academic achievements and extracurricular activities are mentioned but not detailed. Illustrate these with specific achievements, awards, or recognitions to strengthen your application.
task achievement
Consider adopting a more formal tone in places, avoiding informal language ('I am so happy for joining this course') for a more academic or professional tone that better fits the purpose of a motivation letter.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are suitable, but ensure the entire letter maintains a professional tone. Refrain from using contractions ('I am' instead of 'I'm', 'It is' instead of 'It's') throughout for consistency and formality.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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