IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries nowadays, more and more women have full-time jobs as men, so there is logic that men and women should share the housework tasks equally. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #women #jobs #men #logic #housework #tasks
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In many states right now, women participate in having
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 jobs as men, which leads to them doing equal
work
in house
Add a hyphen
in-house
show examples
. I strongly agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 argument as the
sterotype
Correct your spelling
stereotype
 of men doing
full time
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full-time
show examples
work
 and women doing all the household
stivities
Correct your spelling
activities
festivities
 does not exist anymore.
Also
, nowadays males are more efficient in doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home activities than females as they like doing
such
work
like
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as
show examples
 cooking, cleaning and
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 more stuff. My
further
 paragraphs
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be based on
this
 reasoning.
Firstly
, it is seen that both genders have equal participation in the
work
.
This
 could be based on
rise
Add an article
the rise
a rise
show examples
 in expenses
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their qualifications or any other factor. But
this
 has ended the stereotype of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 dominating the working and earning money for the family, simultaneously,
this
 should
also
 end
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 taking care of their family by doing
home based
Add a hyphen
home-based
show examples
 activities. The result
being
Wrong verb form
is that
show examples
 the
work
 should be divided between spouses equally.
Secondly
, it has been seen nowadays that males are doing some home tasks more efficiently than females and are good at doing it. We see men becoming chefs, babysitters, tutors, cleaners and pretty much doing all the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 required for
maintaing
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 a house.
For example
, Gordon Ramsay is a
well known
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well-known
show examples
 chef and is great at his occupation, it is obvious that he is the one who
also
 cooks and not his wife. So,
huband
Correct your spelling
husband
 and wife should
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 their tasks based on their expertise.
To conclude
this
, it would be logical to say that since, since, occupation is not dominated by gents anymore, ladies are
also
 earning money by working full-time and there is a mix of both being best in housework. My viewpoint supports that there should be equal division between them.
Submitted by mannadarshpal13 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a more sophisticated and varied sentence structure to improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay. Employ a range of complex sentences and transition words to enhance readability.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your main points further with more specific examples and detailed explanations, especially in your body paragraphs. Doing so will strengthen your argument and improve task achievement.
task achievement
In your introduction, clearly state your thesis statement to immediately inform the reader of your stance and preview the main points you will discuss. This will provide a clearer direction for your essay.
task achievement
For a more balanced argument, consider briefly acknowledging the counter-argument. This can demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic and add depth to your response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • evolutionary shift
  • workforce participation
  • shared responsibilities
  • partnership model
  • connected relationships
  • domestic sphere
  • gender equality
  • role models
  • practical challenges
  • technological advancements
  • societal norms
  • distribution of chores
  • physical ability
  • personal preferences
  • alleviate the burden
  • dynamics
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