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Writing Samples
Band 7

in many places, large chain stores are taking over the market place, making it impossible for small businesses to compete with them. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation.

#places #chain #stores #market #place #businesses #situation
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In some countries, large companies are developed which are taking over their marketplaces. It is leading small
businesses
 to not be able to compete with them. In
this
 situation,
however
, expansion might have some benefits
such
 as allowing consumers to get the
products
 easily
while
 it can make an uncompetitive environment for small
businesses
. Nowadays, large stores create the possibility to buy a number of
products
 in the same place without spending much time. These possibilities provide merits to consumers to purchase yet cheap and good quality
products
 without having to search for different
products
 in different places which could be located over long distances. Having a wide selection range of
products
 sold in one big store can reduce the cost of store rent and employees which can allow these companies can allow customers to buy
products
 at very costly.
For example
, Hypermart one of the biggest retail companies in Indonesia could offer consumers a number of daily goods like dairy and others even electronics.
In contrast
, as regards drawbacks, because of large businessesbusinesses, it can create an unhealthy environment for small
businesses
 which may result in to increase in their closure figure . The local business that does not have the ability and plan to compete with large chain stores will lose their loyal customers, or even worse their profits could drop in the future.
Moreover
, their incapacity to offer lower prices than large retailers could be a failure to attract more buyers and keep their growth steady. In summary, the large chain stores that control the market system may give some positives to people which allows them to buy numerous
products
 at lower prices.
However
,
as a consequence
 of
this
 situation, the monopoly in the economic system of the country can be extremely harmful to small
businesses
 causing them to liquidate
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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structure
Consider refining your introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. A succinct thesis statement and a recap of your main points can strengthen these sections.
logic
Strive for clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
content
Add more specific examples to support your points. This increases the persuasiveness of your argument and shows a deeper understanding of the topic.
style
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the readability and interest of your essay. Additionally, pay attention to proofreading to correct minor grammatical errors and improve overall clarity.
task response
Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you've touched on both advantages and disadvantages, deepening your analysis could provide a more comprehensive response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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