In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could best be taken to solve it?
Around the
globe
minors are starting to spend a lot of their Add a comma
globe,
time
indoors. Use synonyms
this
essay will focus on discussing Linking Words
causes
of Correct article usage
the causes
this
problem and trying to provide solutions to it.
Linking Words
Fistly
, the main cause for children’s lack of normal social activity in Correct your spelling
Firstly
modern
world is Add an article
the modern
a
rapid development of information Correct article usage
the
tecnology
. Computers and Correct your spelling
technology
smatphones
connected to the global internet provide teenagers with unlimited Correct your spelling
smartphones
entertaiment
, 1000 Correct your spelling
entertainment
of
hours of video content being Change preposition
apply
uplodet
Correct your spelling
uploaded
into
Change preposition
to
internet
every day. Add an article
the internet
Also
, there Linking Words
games
, Add a missing verb
are games
tv
shows, streams and various other Correct your spelling
TV
entertaiment activeties
. Correct your spelling
entertainment activities
This
unexplored world takes a significant portion of Linking Words
Correct article usage
a child
child
free Change noun form
child's
time
, Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
distructing
him from engaging in Correct your spelling
distracting
development
of normal social contacts, which results in countless days Add an article
the development
spend
at home near his Change the form of the verb
spent
personall
computer. The Correct your spelling
personal
mearsure
that could be taken to prevent Correct your spelling
measure
measures
this
from happening is limiting Linking Words
minors
Change noun form
minors'
minor's
acceses
to digital Correct your spelling
access
accesses
tecnology
in their early years, it is Correct your spelling
technology
behind
Change preposition
apply
a
doubt that trying to limit Correct article usage
apply
in
something Change preposition
apply
teenager
is Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
counter-produtive
, but Correct your spelling
counter-productive
deprevation
of a person below Correct your spelling
deprivation
pubirty
from Correct your spelling
puberty
this
sort of Linking Words
entartaiment
will protect him from Correct your spelling
entertainment
devolopeng
a strong emotional dependency on online activities. Correct your spelling
developing
This
will lead to more rational Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
spending
indoors at Replace the word
spent
computer
in his mature life and he will focus on real life Add an article
a computer
the computer
while
still being a child. As an example, Linking Words
generational
divide Correct article usage
the generational
higlights
importens of Correct your spelling
highlights
digital
free childhood, if we will look at Change the word
digitally
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
spend
online Wrong verb form
spent
reletive
to Correct your spelling
relative
the
age, we will see striking growth of it in Correct article usage
apply
millenial
generation, the first generation of humans who grew up with digital Correct article usage
the millenial
devises
and internet.
Replace the word
devices
Secondly
, another major issue is social Linking Words
axiesty
. Young people nowadays generally have Correct your spelling
anxiety
less
friendsChange the quantifier
fewer
,
and spend less Remove the comma
apply
time
with them. Minors form Use synonyms
a
Correct article usage
apply
litlle
to Correct your spelling
little
none
connections Correct quantifier usage
no
at
their childhood, Change preposition
in
this
is Linking Words
also
a big cause of teens spending that much Linking Words
time
at home. A solution to resolve Use synonyms
this
problem could be Linking Words
a
increase Change the article
an
of
outdoor activities in Change preposition
in
school
and universities. In order to get people out, there must be a good motivation for them. Schools and colleges should not be afraid of Fix the agreement mistake
schools
more
modernized Correct article usage
a more
aprouch
, like , introducing more Correct your spelling
approach
sport
teams, or taking all Change the noun form
sports
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
at
summer Change preposition
on
trip
. Anything that will lead to communication between people is welcomed. To give an example, in my parent’s Fix the agreement mistake
trips
time
in Use synonyms
Soviet
Union there were Correct article usage
the Soviet
a
large trips Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
into
the villages, called “kolhoz”. I that villages they were Change preposition
to
enjoing
summertime and Correct your spelling
enjoying
helping
with local agriculture. Replace the word
help
Tere
are a lack of Correct your spelling
There
such
activities in Linking Words
modern
education Correct article usage
the modern
sistem
.
In conclusion, I think it is important to do something about Correct your spelling
system
this
significant issue, if we can Linking Words
collectevly
apply proposed solutions we might be able to solve Correct your spelling
collectively
this
problem.Linking Words
Submitted by acaitaz on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure correct spelling and grammar throughout your essay to maintain professionalism and clarity. For example, 'Fistly' should be 'Firstly', 'smatphones' should be 'smartphones', and 'entartaiment' should be 'entertainment'. Consistent errors can distract from the message and reduce coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer logical structure by consistently using transitional phrases to lead from one idea to the next. This helps the reader to follow your argument more easily. Consider more distinct paragraphing to separate your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Consider introducing the topic with a stronger thesis statement and conclude your essay with a summary that reiterates your main points and the measures proposed. This will strengthen the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by elaborating on the causes and solutions you mention. You've touched on key points but extending your explanation with more detail and examples will improve task achievement.
task achievement
Enhance the comprehensiveness of your ideas by providing more specific, real-world examples that illustrate your points. While you mention global trends and personal anecdotes, more detailed examples and evidence strengthen your argument.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
- Summary
- Restatement of thesis
- Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
- In conclusion
- To conclude
- To summarize
- Finally
- In a nutshell
- In general