IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Using the information given in the case notes, write a discharge letter to Ms Georgine Ponsford, Resident Community Nurse at the Community Retirement Home, 103 Light Street, Newtown. This letter will accompany Mr Ramamurthy back to the retirement home upon his discharge tomorrow.

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This
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 correspondence pertains to
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Ms.
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Ms
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Ramamurthy
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, who is being referred for additional care and support
due to
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 an acute case of appendicitis with an appendicular
tumor
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tumour
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. On June 18, 2017,
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Ms.
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Ms
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Ramamurthy
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 appeared with a complaint of non-radiating fever, up to 101 degrees Fahrenheit, and abdominal pain in the right iliac fossa one day earlier. Acute appendicitis was discovered on ultrasound,
along with
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 a hypodense area near the appendix's base. taking medication following the Human Mixtard subcutaneous injection, which is reviewed by an endocrinologist twice a day: eight units before breakfast and six units before dinner.
Ms
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.
Ramamurthy
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 travels frequently for her job as an education consultant. Her spouse resides with her and serves as the primary caregiver. We would be very grateful if you could make sure the consultant follows
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Ms.
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Ms
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 Ranamurthy's instructions regarding fasting and postprandial blood sugar monitoring. She has been recommended to follow an exercise program to lose weight, and she must refrain from travel and physically demanding activities. She asks for
further
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 details about simply prepared foods that she can make at home.
However
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,
Ramamurthy
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's spouse asks to be visited at home so that his blood sugar can be measured and insulin can be given. She will follow up on June 30, 2017, at 3 p.m., in the OPD. Her spouse
also
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 told her to get in touch with us right away if she had any pain or a persistently high fever.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that the letter addresses all parts of the task directly. Begin by introducing the purpose of the letter clearly, mentioning it's a discharge letter for Mr. Ramamurthy to Ms. Georgine Ponsford. Follow with detailed information about Mr. Ramamurthy's condition and care instructions.
task achievement
Increase the suitable writing tone by adopting more formal language appropriate for a professional letter. Use a formal greeting and conclusion, and avoid informal language.
coherence cohesion
For better logical structure, organize the letter into distinct sections: an introduction stating the purpose, patient details, condition and treatment, care instructions, and closing remarks. Use paragraphs wisely to separate these sections.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the letter with greeting and closing, start with a formal greeting to Ms. Georgine Ponsford and end with a formal closing line, followed by your professional title and contact information, ensuring a professional tone.
coherence cohesion
Maintain one idea or topic per paragraph to improve clarity and readability. For instance, dedicate one paragraph to the history and diagnosis, another to instructions for care, and so on. This structure helps the reader follow the information easily.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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